Patrice Pike - Original tune: "Beautiful Thing"
I liked this song. It was catchy, if not really special vocally. It's far too poppy for this band, however, and I think its inappropriateness along with Patrice having to sing first will finally buy her that plane ticket home.
Magni - Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit"
Magni looked hot in his stocking cap, even if it's still Summer. His vocal was too shouty for my taste, but he did have good energy.
Ryan Star - Original tune: "Back of Your Car"
I just don't know what to make of Ryan. Some weeks he leaves me cold, and then he'll pull off a performance like this one which was just riveting, sexy, and fun. This song was much better suited to Supernova than Patrice's or Zayra's from last week. He rocked hard and had terrific stage presence and energy. I'd say the only misstep was smashing the guitar. Because Supernova had just suggested that move to Magni, it seemed forced and stagey for Ryan to do it.
Storm Large - Aerosmith's "Cryin'"
I had picked Storm to make the Top Two, but I'm doubting it now. Yes, she did a capable job with a tough Aerosmith tune, but she didn't add anything very original to it. Like Gilby pointed out, it wasn't memorable. I still think she's got the chops to front this band, and it's her performance of the Dramarama song that sticks with me. But she's gonna have to really bring it to stay alive.
Dilana - The Police's "Every Breath You Take"
Those crazy eyelashes were distracting to me, and there's an unsettling arrogance creeping into Dilana's performances, as exemplified by her chanting of her own name. Of course, cockiness is well-suited to cock rock, and maybe she thinks such an attitude will compensate for her lack of a cock. It's just not my cuppa tea, although I still love watching her perform. It was smart of her to mention her strained relationship with her mother as it humanizes her. I have to give her credit for doing the naked run around the pool to get the song, too. She's still the front runner.
Toby Rand - Cream's "Layla"
I really don't like Clapton or this song, so I give props to Toby for his new arrangement, which made it come alive for me. Of course, when he took off his shirt, I was fully awake. He's definitely the front runner if they want a hot guy leading the band, and he can sing and work the crowd, too, as this performance demonstrated.
Lukas Rossi - The Killers' "All These Things That I've Done"
This was the perfect song for Lukas, as I've said he seems better suited for a band like The Killers than Supernova. He did make the song a bit more metal, or at least punk, as he really reminded me of Sid Vicious with his vocal stylings and gyrations. He's always fun to watch, even if he seems to be brooding a bit too much on the sidelines when others perfom - so angst-ridden, it hurts.
Bottom 3: Patrice, Magni, Storm
Going home: Patrice
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Patrice Pike - Original tune: "Beautiful Thing"
Hello dear fans,
I am pleased to share some exciting news with you. Today I was named "Hot Slut of the Day" by dlisted.com. This is quite an honor, so I have prepared a brief speech.
Firstly, I would like to thank God, even though some would say he did not give me a soul. Secondly, I'd like to thank dlisted.com, my favorite celeb gossip site that has taught me to stay away from skanks like "Parasite Hilton" (no, I would not hit it). Thirdly, I have to thank Coolia and Nerdia for winning me on Who Gets the Dog and giving me a web platform. Of course, none of this would have been possible if the Who Gets the Dog producers hadn't plucked me from the friendly care of Perfect Pet Rescue, and if Perfect Pet Rescue hadn't nabbed me from the streets of Compton (West Siyeede!). And finally, I have to thank all of you, my wonderful fans, who I hope will continue to vote for me once per day until Sept 4 so that I can be the new spokesdog for Lassie Natural Way dog food. I'm currently in 2nd place and climbing fast!
Monday, August 21, 2006
I'm not sure what this indicates about me, but I have two rock obsessions - Ozzy and Gene Simmons - and now both of them have had reality shows about their families. I don't think Gene Simmons' Family Jewels is going to have the same success as The Osbournes, but that's OK, because Gene has about 150 other projects to fall back on (when is that KISSino opening in Vegas anyway?).
I'll present a brief recap of the episodes thus far.
Episode 1 - Happily Unmarried
Gene asks the kids to plan a surprise birthday party for Shannon, but Shannon and the kids turn the tables on him by throwing him a surprise wedding instead, complete with a rabbi! Oh, the hilarity. This is supposed to be funny because Gene swears he will never marry Shannon, the mother of his two teen kids, Nick and Sophie. It isn't funny because (a) Gene has many gifts but comedic timing isn't one of them, and (b) it's so contrived. The best thing about The Osbournes was that not much happened on the episodes. Ozzy taking out the trash became a hilarious ballet. This episode seemed more scripted than most sitcoms.
Episode 2 - Next Generation Rock Star
Cute and charming son Nick is leading a new rock band, but Gene wants to take over as manager. He books Nick a gig before Nick and the boys have even written a song! This episode was marginally better, largely because Nick is a natural in front of the camera and has the most winning personality of them all. It also succeeded because it relied on poking fun at Gene's pomposity, not on Gene being funny.
Episode 3 - The Demon Lives
This was the best episode yet. First, Gene has to recover from the indignity of not being recognized by a studio security guard. Then, the whole family makes cracks about Gene's hair, and we actually get to see a stylist come over and "create" the hair. Unfortunately, this sequence went too quickly and I couldn't tell if it was a transplant, a weave, or what. I have been wondering what's going on with his hair for years. I always thought it looked like he had a dead animal on his head, but Nick described it as "a military helmet." More of this, please. If you have theories on his hair, please leave a comment.
Episode 4 - Driving Me Crazy
As Nick prepares to take his driving test, Gene bets him that he can score higher. Gene is known for being a terrible driver, since he grew up in NYC and only started to drive in his 30s. The loser has to face public humiliation by standing on a street corner in Beverly Hills with a sign saying "I am the world's worst driver". Again, this episode fell flat for me, as it was such a contrived premise. These types of contests don't happen in everyday homes or celeb homes - only in The Brady Bunch house (who can forget Greg's and Marsha's battle of the sexes driving competition and Greg losing when he knocked the egg off the pylon?).
Episode 5 - Food or Sex?
Shannon tricks Gene into going to a fat camp weekend, where he moans about having to exercise, tries to get her into bed, and bribes a resort worker to bring him fast food and a TV. Meanwhile, Aunt Tracy babysits the kids and lets them run wild, even venturing into the sacred KISS museum. Sounds like a synopsis from Full House doesn't it? I'd much rather watch Gene talk on the phone all day hatching brilliant ideas like the KISS coffin and Shannon evaluating scripts for soft-core skinimax flicks.
Basically, this show is trying too hard, and it's too rigidly scripted. Gene comes off stiff, and Shannon comes off like a harpie. There are no family fights at all, and that was always the most entertaining part of The Osbournes or any reality show. The kids seem amazingly down to earth, and so far they are saving the show even if they aren't creating drama. Things might get better - a visit to Gene's mom in NYC is coming up, and that's sure to be amusing. I hope in a future episode, "Uncle Ace" comes to visit, raids the liquor cabinet and won't leave.
Thursday, August 17, 2006
Inspired by a great documentary about the little candidate who could, Can Mr. Smith Get to Washington?, we're mounting our own grass roots campaign here at the ApeBlog. We're trying to get our mascot, The Edgar Winter Dog, elected spokesmodel for Lassie Natural Way dog food. So far we've moved him from a cast of hundreds of dogs to #8! We need your help to push him over the top. Simply visit this link and cast a vote. You can vote for him once a day until the contest ends on Aug 21. Make a little albino dog's dream come true!
Those of you in LA will have a chance to see this political documentary at the Nuart Theater, 11272 Santa Monica Blvd in West LA.
Friday, 8/18 - 2pm
Saturday and Sunday, 8/19 and 20 - 11am
Monday - Thursday, 8/21 - 8/24 - 2pm
Tix are not available online - only at the box office. This is a preview screening for Oscar qualification and hopefully if Angelenos support it, the movie will get a wider run soon.
Click here for the ApeBlog review of the film, and don't forget to vote for Edgar!
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Coolia: That vegas suite was amazing - a bowling alley?? I wish they had showed us more of the debauchery. I guess nobody hooked up.
Zayra Alvarez - Original song - "Lluvia de Mar"
Coolia: I thought this was a pretty song. Her delivery was passionate, and she had a cool skirt and seemed less insane than usual. However, the song wasn't appropriate for the band at all. Like the guys, I was shocked that the singers weren't fighting over the chance to sing an original.
Terry: I applaud her for fighting for the "original". And, this was the FIRST and ONLY time that her performance did not remind me of Bjork. She sounded beautiful. However, I thought she looked terrible (which I didn't realize was possible) and, as always, she...just....does...NOT....fit....this....band!!
Magni - David Bowie's "Starman"
Coolia: I missed most of this because I was heating up my dinner. I liked his suit and thought it was a good vocal, what I heard anyway.
Terry: Boring and too show tooney for my tastes. Good vocals but not enough originality.
Patrice Pike - The Police's "Message in a Bottle"
Coolia: Her vocal was okay but flat at times. She didn't bring anything new to the song. Plain, unoriginal, far too safe. I think she bought her plane ticket home.
Terry: Is is just me or does she look like a crazed Skeletor at times? I don't know but something about her would scare me if I was left alone in a with her. Her performance gave us nothing new and she did way too much smiling for such a somber song. This did not work for me at all. Lacked originalty, intensity and just stunk up the place.room
Lukas Rossi - Chad Kroeger's "Hero"
Coolia: I do love this song, and I love what Lukas did with it. He has such a distinctive vocal style and so much confidence. Awesome.
Terry: I liked his arrangement. I could definitley see/hear him with this band. An encore contender. However, I agree with Tommy. I did not like the sitting down thing for him and this song.
Storm Large - Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive."
Coolia: At first, I was afraid. Then, I was laughing. This was really, really bad. I'm disappointed in Storm, but I blame the song choice more than her. She seemed like she was doing Cake's version of the song, but she didnt add anything to it. She didn't rock it out at all and she didn't have any real feeling or desperation behind her vocal. I'll give her credit for a nice save for saying "I like spankings" after the guys criticized her.
Terry: What happened, babe? Can't handle partying with the big boys!? This was by far her worst performance. Vocals, arrangement and stage presence all just not good. Not good at all. First time I have even considered her a possible bottom 3 contender.
Toby Rand - Peter Gabriel's "Solsbury Hill" with Gilby Clarke
Coolia: I love this song, but I wasn't blown away by Toby's version. Of course, I love that he ran around naked to get the song - that definitely shows he wants to win, plus there's no other contestant I'd want to see naked. Tommy is right - "Nice Ass!" I liked that he played the bongos, but he could have interacted with Gilby a bit and showed a bit more confidence. A good vocal, but not great.
Terry: I disagree with the band completely. I thought his voice was WAY too high and his arrangement was just a lame kareoke cover and lacked any angst. Paled, paled, PALED by comparison to the original. I liked the bongos, but that was the only thing I liked about this.
Ryan Star - Phil Collins' "In the Air Tonight"
Coolia: This was definitely a strong vocal but it seemed very stagey and fake intense to me, kinda Broadway. He was forcing the intensity the way Dana used to. This is not in the same league as Nonpoint's remake of this song (on the Miami Vice movie soundtrack). Plus the way they shot him with the white light over his head and he's in the black outfit gave me flashbacks to Idol and Pickler doing Bohemian Rhapsody and that just took me out of the moment.
Terry: I prefer the original but I dug his take. At least he imbued the darkness that embodies the song. Good verging on very good. A possible encore contender.
Dilana - Harry Chapin's "Cat's in the Cradle"
Coolia: I still love Dilana but this was just aiight for me. I have to say I was put off by the fact that she didn't bother to switch genders in the lyrics and kept referring to herself as "dad". She's always compelling, but I wasn't blown away.
Terry: Again, I still prefer the original but she did great and did the song justice. Her voice fit the pain in the song. Very, very, very good!! This chick rocks. Should be the front runner for this banc by far at this stage of the game. She is the ONLY one who has stepped it up each and every single week.
Coolia: Bottom 3: Storm, Patrice, Zayra / Going home: Patrice (the mediocrity has to end) / Encore: Ryan
Terry: Bottom 3: Patrice, Zayra, Toby / Going home: Patrice (Zayra SO does not fit this band but at least she consistantly sings well and is interesting; whereas, Patrice consistantly stinks up the
place....long past due for Patrice to go home / Encore: Dilana (although, I would not be surprised if either Lukas or Ryan gets it...but Dilana deserves it most of all!)
Hello fans, I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I have been busy trying to get an agent and continue my 15 minutes of fame that began in Fall 2004 with my appearance on Animal Planet's Who Gets the Dog. Since then I've had a few brushes with fame in Nuts for Mutts dog shows, but no real break. Now's my chance...and you can help! I am competing to be the new spokesmodel for Lassie Natural Way dog food. I would get to be on a TV commercial (please dont make me run from a chuck wagon...it's so undignified) and be on the dog food bag! All you need to do is follow this link and vote for me. You can vote once a day until the contest ends on Aug 21. Please make my dream a reality!
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Dilana with Gilby Clarke - The Who's "Won't Get Fooled Again"
Coolia: A solid performance although not particularly original. She proved she can front the band, as Gilby didn’t steal her spotlight.
Terry: Firs time I can say I wasn't completely captivated from beginning to end. Began surprisingly a bit weak/off for me vocally. But, she brought it back and finished fairly strong. This would have been good from most of the others but was disappointing coming from her.
Jill Gioia - Tracy Bonham's "Mother, Mother"
Coolia: I really can't stand this girl. She was annoying as she stalked around the stage in her Angus Young outfit. She didn’t even have her usual trashy sex appeal.
Terry: She looked hot! And this was possibly her most commanding stage performance to date. But, the vocals were uneven, ranging from "hell yeah" to just not all that good. But the band liked her and that will probably get her some votes.
Ryan Star - Rolling Stones' "Paint it Black"
Coolia: This was a completely ridiculous opening, with the bushy wig that he removed and dangled around his neck the rest of the number, and the stupid eye black. I couldn't believe the band praised it. He lost all the respect he gained last week.
Terry: Another brilliant take/performance! (2 weeks in a row!?) He is rapidly climbing the contending ladder if he keeps this up and could replace Storm in the final 2 (I think Dilana is a lock unless something terribly unexpected happens).
Storm Large - Queen's "We are the Champions"
Coolia: Storm has a beautiful and powerful voice, probably the purest voice of the bunch. She did a capable job with a challenging song. We all know from Idol how difficult Queen can be.
Terry: Uh.....tattoos on her lower torso suggestively pointing to her crotch!? Okay, I'm beginning to understand Tommy's fascination. I dug this mildly altered take. One of her best.
Zayra Alvarez - David
Coolia: She should leave the gold outfits to Elvis. This was crappy, and the vocal was completely muddled and lost in the music. I couldn't even tell what song she was singing. Awful.
Terry: This chick is eye candy to the max and makes my head (the one on top of my shoulders....get your minds out of the gutter!) just about explode! Man, what a tush!! Holy cow!! But, as usual, her sound/style does not fit this band. The horny little teeny bobber boys must be the ones voting for her because she just doesn't fit in this thing at all. It is past time for her to go home. I shall miss her (the hot looks and sexy body, not the singing....maybe she could be a contestant for a spot in a Mime band!?).
Josh Logan with Tommy Lee - Stone Temple Pilots' "Interstate Love Song"
Coolia: Josh was hard to hear over the music too. He has a good voice but he grates on my nerves. He's completely wrong for this band.
Terry: His voice was once again completely over-powered by the music. And he missed a beat and some lyrics....I was stunned that no on in the band called him on this. Tommy kicked but,t but Josh was just okay.
Magni - Live's "The Dolphin's Cry"
Coolia: I found this as uninteresting as Magni's family stuff. Are we going to get to learn about any of the other contestants or just him?
Terry: I have to give props where props are due. I'm still not his biggest fan by any stretch, but this was one of those rare performances that was better than the original. Just terrific.
Patrice Pike - John Lennon's "Instant Karma"
Coolia: She looked like Pippi Longstocking but gave a decent if unspectacular performance.
Terry: First of all, she looked like a Rooster that had stuck it's beak in an electrical outlet. This did not work for me at all. She looked a bit crazed (like a crackwhore peacock or something) and didn't sound much better. She is very much in danger of going home.
Lukas Rossi - Radiohead's "Creep"
Coolia: Lukas is back! This was a riveting performance. I think I prefer his version to the original. He really feels the music and listens to the lyrics and delivers something exciting. I think this was the performance of the night.
Terry: Wow! The rarest of weeks where TWO performers out performed the originals! He just put himself back in contention for a spot in the final 2!
Coolia: I liked the arrangement, and he gave a decent vocal. Using the megaphone was kind of cheesy, but at least he was trying something different and seemed to be having fun up there.
Terry: Failed miserably compared to the original. I think the megaphone thing works in some cases but not in this case. Too gimmicky. Just "okay" overall.
It seems we've been waiting, like, forever...but Laguna Beach's 2nd Season DVD was released on Tuesday. The DVD will give you a chance to relive all the drama with Kristin, Jessica and the gang, and a chance to ponder why those not particularly handsome and mostly mute guys are worth fighting over (oh yeah...they're rich! but then, so are the girls!). We'll have a full review of the DVD on Ape Culture soon, after we get a chance to check out all the extras like the childhood photos (although we kinda got enough of those in the Life Inside the Bubble book about the cast), audition tapes, and deleted scenes. Note to high schoolers - reviewing all this footage is an excellent way to cram for the debut of Season 3 coming next Wednesday, August 16 at 10:00 PM PT/ET. Yes, the new season will have an all-new cast, but you know there will be some visits from the ghosts of Laguna past (Steven always did look a little pale to me).
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
Patrice Pike - Red Hot Chili Peppers’ "Higher Ground" (w/ Tommy on drums)
Terry: Sorry, but not impressed. And, she looked like a Rooster having a bad hair day. Foghorn
Julia: I will have to agree with the judges on this one....she did ok, but got lost in the band. I think she was star struck.
Coolia: Makeshift mohawks are always a mistake on these shows. Remember Nadia from Idol? She got herself voted off with one. Patrice gave a good vocal and had a lot of energy, but she didn’t have as much energy as Tommy.
Josh Logan – Sublime’s "Santeria"
Terry: (oh my...look at all the white people in the audience with absolutely no rhythm....I'm SO embarrassed!) Nice relaxed melodic take....in the immortal words of Homer J. Simpson, "Boring."
Julia: Looked like a dorky white rapper. I think it was ok....but not rock enough.
Coolia: This was a solid vocal performance, but he just grates on my nerves. Can you picture this guy on a tour bus with Jason, Gilby and Tommy? They’d be giving him wedgies.
Dilana - Bad Company’s "Can't Get Enough"
Terry: Not the best vocalist but Good Lord, she is captivating. Not brilliant but very entertaining. She killed it.
Julia: Still scares me, but I'm starting to really like her. She really gave a great performance, and she seems really comfortable on stage. Her voice is VERY memorable. Plus, I really think anyone who has the guts to wear pants that Dave Navarro thinks are his own....deserves to go far in this competition.
Coolia: She’s always compelling. Dilana, baby, you’re a star.
Terry: Decent. But, it's pretty hard to follow Dilana.
Julia: I think he did ok. I think his voice is ok...he interacted well with the audience. It was just "ehh" for me.
Coolia: I thought he connected with the lyrics and the audience, even if his vocal wasn’t spectacular. I loved that he went into the crowd and picked a BBW girl to hug. I hope she wasn’t a “Make a Wish” kid or something, and he just picked because he felt like it.
Zayra Alvarez - Tommy Tutone’s "867-5309/Jenny"
Terry: As always TOO Bjork...and this time she even added some lame Blondie AND she wasn't even sexy or hot....she looked like a bad acid trip come to spastic life. I say it week after week after week. This chick does NOT fit this band. No how, no way!!
Julia: Zayra...or should I say Zorro! Oh lord, she looked like she walked straight off
Coolia: Tommy Tutone needn’t worry. She’s like a bad car crash – painful to look at but you can’t stop looking.
Magni – Coldplay’s "Clocks"
Terry: Good cover, but as so/too often with these people, there was nothing new and so it was just a good cover. Although, he gets major props for the whole emotional moments over missing his family thing. Kudos, brother!
Julia: Come on, these are supposed to be rockers. Cut the crap ....right? We shouldn't see their families....rock stars don't have families, right?!?!?!? I must say, not bad. Good voice, good delievery, I could listen to him. Plus when he talks he reminds me of Bjork.
Coolia: I didn’t get the praise he received. It just seemed like karaoke to me. I thought they should send him home to his family instead of sending his family to LA.
Jill Gioia - Simple Minds’ "Don't You Forget About Me"
Terry: Rocked up version but too manic and not enough genuine originality injected. Oddly, although manic it was a bit boring....or perhaps "tedious" would be more appropriate. Missing all of the resonance of the original. Worst of the night by far.
Julia: I'm sticking with my initial "Barbie" comment about Jill, but I have a new name for her that maybe Mattel could market. Gyrating Jill the Screamer. Well, maybe if Mattel wants to expand into the porn industry. I thought her performance was fake....but her look might be enough for the male population to keep her here.
Coolia: I would say she’s more of a Bratz doll than Barbie. She’s trashy looking and shouts too much.
Ryan Star – REM’s "Losing My Religion"
Terry: Holy shit!! Brilliant! Absolutely brilliant!!!! Move over Dilana, this boy just threw down the gauntlet and you now have some MAJOR competition! Wow! Blew me away!! By FAR the best of the night!!
Julia: Kick ass performance, I really like his voice, I like the fact he's not just a voice... Since I like him, he'll probably be kicked off for being too "Elton John".
Coolia: I was really impressed too. I loved that he can play the piano and command the stage without a band, and he did make the song his own. But then there’s that dorky name of his.
Lukas Rossi - Hole " Celebrity Skin"
Terry: I like his "sound" but he sounds basically the same with every song/performance. And, tonight he seemed a bit shaken and uncertain (lack of confidence doesn't fit his "image”) and I can only assume that was due to having to follow Ryan's knock out performance.
Julia: : OMG, I couldn't look at him. I have never seen such expressive eyebrows in my life.....the only problem is his expressions don't match the music! Plus, I thought his singing style was pretty weak. It's like he was trying to catch up with the song the whole time.
Coolia: He reminds me a bit of a young Brando – it’s something about his eyes and his brooding expressions. But this was a weak and muddled performance, and his look isn’t changing much week to week and is more “Killers” than “Kill ‘Em All”
Storm Large - David Bowie’s "Changes"
Terry: Okay, but I did not dig the arrangement. Just okay. Tommy was once again covered in drool.
Julia: She's growing on me. I think she's growing on the judges too. I would much prefer to listen to her than any of the other women on the show....I liked the calm performance.
Coolia: She’s really come into her own these past two weeks. This was my favorite performance of the night. I really felt like she was feeling the lyrics – a thoughtful, confident performance.
Dana Andrews - The Who’s "Baba O'Reilly"
Terry: The fake intense "look" and faked intensity in her attempt to keep up with Dilana simply does not work for me. It's like watching a girl trying to sing while straining to poop.
Julia: So not scary enough for this show. I know she said she wants to be in the band...so much she's going to get a tattoo. Hmmmm....I didnt' think her performance was that great and no matter how many tattoos she gets she still won't sound better.
Coolia: Agreed – the rebellion isn’t authentic. She’s too Edie Brickell for these new barbarians.
Terry: Bottom 3: Patrice, Jill, Dana (Zayra deserves to be here each and every week but I think the horndog teeny bobber boys keep voting for her to maintain the eye candy) and Jill going home
Julia: Bottom 3: Zayra, Lukas, Dana, with Zayra going home
Coolia: Bottom 3: Patrice, Jill, and Zayra, with Jill going home