Back to the Prom: The 40th Anniversary Screening of Carrie

I had a blast at the 40th anniversary party for Carrie! The night was both illuminating and a hoot.

The Ace Hotel Theater hosted the event, which was a fundraiser for WeSpark, a cancer support charity. The event also promoted the release of Shout Factory's new collector's edition Carrie Blu-ray. Silver stars had been hung in the lobby to match the Carrie prom scene decor.  There was also a traditional prom photo opportunity. We arrived about a half-hour before the screening and waited on line at the bar, hoping to order a "Bloody Carrie" - the signature drink of the party - but they had already run out! I bought raffle tickets and we found seats in the orchestra section of the theater, which quickly filled up.

The 4K presentation of Carrie looked incredible. I hadn't seen the film on the big screen before. There was a definite crowd participation angle to the evening, as people laughed at most of Piper Laurie's lines and other classic moments. Sometimes they even shouted the lines before they were delivered, which bugged my friend who had not seen the film before (and who jumped at the ending!). At the start of the prom massacre, when Carrie shuts the doors and cuts the lights in the gym except for the red light, they flipped on some red lighting in the theater - it was very effective!

After the screening, there was a panel discussion, moderated by Bryan Fuller (writer of the 2002 Carrie TV movie). The panel featured Doug Cox (The Beak - the tuxedo T-shirt kid), Noelle North (Frieda, who was nice to Carrie at the start of the prom), Nancy Allen (WeSpark executive director and bad girl Chris), PJ Soles (Norma, who wore her red baseball cap everywhere, even to prom), Paul Hirsch (editor of many Brian De Palma films, co-editor of Star Wars, many more), and Piper Laurie (nominated for a Best Supporting Actress Oscar for her role as Carrie's mother).

Bryan did a great job moderating and involving everyone in the discussion. PJ Soles talked about her eardrum being ruptured by the fire hose during the filming of the prom massacre. She also revealed she had auditioned for Nancy's role, and De Palma offered her a small part after she didn't get it. De Palma suggested she wear the red cap. PJ's swagger, perhaps powered by the cap, convinced De Palma to put her in more scenes and create a role for her as Chris' best friend. PJ also said she drove Betty from Chateau Marmont to the set everyday because Betty didn't drive, and she thinks Betty advocated for her. She said Betty would put on eye makeup in the car each morning, although they would be getting makeup on the set, because she didn't want De Palma to see her without makeup. Nancy Allen talked about getting along great with John Travolta, despite the way they slapped each other around in the film. She said John's slaps were weak, but Betty Buckley didn't hold back.

Doug Cox said the tuxedo shopping scene was mostly improvised, and it was added at the last minute, after he had wrapped. Paul Hirsch talked about speeding up that scene and said he did it to avoid having a third jump cut in the scene.  Hirsch and several actors talked about De Palma's obsessive storyboarding. Hirsch illuminated some of the key scenes and talked about building tension. He said the rocks falling on the house at the end was meant to be an echo to an opening scene where Carrie is a child and summons flying rocks with her mind, but that scene ended up not working. PJ and Nancy disagreed about whether they were paid $625 or $604 a week. Piper Laurie said she didn't know how to interpret the script, but her husband told her that her role was comedic. When she began rehearsals, De Palma corrected this interpretation. It certainly has a campy quality and people laughed at most of her signature lines like "I can see your dirty pillows."

The actresses also talked about how they were somewhat duped into doing the nude locker room scene. De Palma had told them it would be so smoky that people wouldn't see much, yet you can see just about everything. Allen said that Amy Irving cried when it came time to shoot the scene, so she ended up not removing her bra. Hirsch said George Lucas had told him that he felt De Palma's choice to have that much nudity in the second scene of the film signaled the audience to brace themselves because anything could happen.

They also played a video message from William Katt who couldn't attend in person. He credited the film for launching his career. Without Carrie, there would be no Greatest American Hero!

After the discussion, Jackie Beat came out, looking fabulous in a sea-foam green floral gown and wearing large glasses reminiscent of Helen (Edie McClurg's character). Jackie auctioned some items including movie posters signed by all the panelists, plus John Travolta. Jackie also emceed the costume contest. My friend Scott made it to the finals in his blood-spattered suit, but eventually lost to a very credible Tommy Ross with an oversized curly blond wig and a bloody Carrie. Jackie was hilarious in dismissing people from stage, including a group of girls in matching pink bridesmaid dresses and two clever guys who wore shabby discolored pillows with a sign: "Dirty Pillows." There were a couple good PJ Soles imitators, including a drag queen who was wrapped in a fire hose. We felt dressing as Miss Collins, the gym teacher, was a missed opportunity.  The crowd was enthusiastic and many came dressed in 70s tuxes with ruffled shirts and puritanical long gowns.  The fun continued as DJs played some 70s tunes and the prom party rolled on in the lobby area.

WeSpark is a charity that provides counseling and supportive services to people who have been diagnosed with cancer. I hope they raised a lot of money with this fun event. It was one of those "Only in LA" events that keep me living here. And I have to say the bullying in the film seemed strangely appropriate for our current political climate.  I look forward to November 8 when we can plug it up!

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Star Wars: My Crush on Harrison Ford Reawakens

I have now seen Star Wars: The Force Awakens twice and I place it as my third favorite film in the Saga (Empire is first, A New Hope is second).  Those of you who find that blasphemous can stop reading now.  Those of you who haven’t seen the new film should stop reading to, as this will be full of spoilers.

My Star Wars fandom is somewhat more than casual, yet somewhat below obsessive.  As a kid, I had some of the toys, the trading cards, iron-on t-shirts. I was 5 years old when A New Hope came out - it was the formative filmgoing experience of my childhood. I consider myself very lucky to be born at the right time for that to wow me. As a pre-teen, I developed a crush on Harrison Ford around Empire and Jedi, so I had a lot of posters and pin-ups on my bedroom wall (and even the ceiling - see pic below).  I saw the original films multiple times in the theater and bought the VHS tapes and then DVDs.  I didn't like the prequels. For me the humor, good writing and acting of the original trilogy was missing in the prequels. I only watched them once. The drama of these films was lessened since we all knew the outcome would be Anakin becoming Darth Vader. In my mid-30s, I met my boyfriend Dave who is a very big fan and that has made my fandom grow to where I again have a lot of Star Wars t-shirts and even attended the Star Wars Celebration last year in Anaheim.  

So I was really eager to see the new film. We got tickets for a midday screening on the Friday it opened, and we saw it in 3D at the Rave cinema in Westchester. As we took our reserved seats, we were a bit concerned as there were parents with 2 children under age 5 seated behind us and the little boy was kicking Dave's seat.  And then as they were arranging themselves, the mom accidentally dumped part of her bag of popcorn on Dave's head. We had a bad feeling about this. We got worried our experience might be compromised, yet the show was close to sold out so there was nowhere to move. The mom apologized profusely and got the little boy to stop kicking the seat.  As the movie rolled, the kids sometimes blurted out questions and were occasionally afraid, but in the end, they were so happy and excited.  I went up to the parents after the movie and told them how much I enjoyed sitting in front of the kids. It really made me remember being 5 and seeing A New Hope with my parents and the excitement I felt.  Between that memory and seeing the aged trio of Hamill, Ford, and Fisher on the screen - well, it just felt like the Circle of Life.  I was a bit verklempt.

I didn't want to criticize the film at all after the first viewing. I just wanted to bask in the emotions it brought up and the joy I felt. As the days passed, I read reviews and talked about it more with friends, and then we went back for a second viewing this week, about 2 weeks after the film opened. This time we saw it in Dolby Vision at the El Capitan- Disney’s flagship theater in Hollywood.  We went to a late show on a Tuesday night and there were only about 20 people in the theater. The El Capitan also has some models and costumes in the basement. They are worth a look, if only to prove that Carrie Fisher isn't fat - her outfit is very petite.  There's also some cool life size Lego figures of Kylo Ren, Rey, and BB8 in the lobby. Before the show there's a laser light saber show that had some hokey charm, kind of like a Waltzing Waters show. The sound and picture were amazing here, but the theater was overly air conditioned to the point of being uncomfortable. I wished for a tauntaun sleeping bag. The staff member I spoke to about it said they are having trouble regulating the temperature because the new projector is much hotter than the old one. Still, I would recommend seeing the film here for the quality projection and the overall experience - just bundle up.

It is Harrison Ford that makes this film. He is the force that binds it together.  When he and Leia reunite, I cried. When he died, I sobbed.  I felt like I rediscovered my crush on him, although he's in his 70s now.  We had a long cooling-off period, Harrison and I. Fifteen years ago, I even wrote this scathing article about him called "Note to Harrison Ford: You Can Go Back to Making Bookshelves Now" in which I suggested he might prefer puttering around his workshop and rediscovering carpentry (the way he made a living before hitting it big with Star Wars), since he was picking such terrible movie projects and basically phoning in the performances (Six Days Seven Nights, Hollywood Homicide, What Lies Beneath, etc). 

Force Awakens rediscovers the sense of humor and goofiness of the original films and gives Harrison a solid script to work with. Thank you, Lawrence Kasdan! Empire is my favorite film because of his writing, and once again here we have dialogue that is believable and fully developed characters to deliver it.  The new heroes - Finn and Rey - are both multi-dimensional. I found myself rooting for them and wanting to know more about them. And their possible romance is intriguing as well.  As in Empire, not all goes well for our heroes and we are left with many questions, leaving us eager for the next installment.

Another thing I loved was all the new creatures and the use of practical effects.  I can't get into films that have too much CGI - it makes me disconnect. Some of the CGI really worked here, however, particularly the character of Maz Kanata (voiced by Lupita Nyong'o). She had a lot of warmth and humor to her, although her saloon was far too reminiscent of the original cantina.  A CGI character that didn't work as well is Snoke, who reminded me of a cartoonish Harry Potter villain. The Emperor was much creepier.

In general, I was disappointed that so much of the film was a retread of the earlier films - yet another Death Star with a fatal flaw, a mission beginning on a desert planet with a droid with an important message that must be delivered to the Rebels, another wintry planet, another forest planet, a place that looks like Coruscant but isn't, etc.  It's too bad the originality of the new characters couldn't carry over into more original situations.  It would also have been nice to see C3PO and R2D2 get more use, although C3PO’s opening line about his red arm really cracked me up. There was missed opportunity for more comedy if there had been more interactions between the old droids and BB8.

In my first viewing, I wasn't really impressed with Kylo Ren.  I had trouble thinking of Adam Driver as anyone but his character in Girls.  He does bring the same sense of awkwardness to this role.  Upon thinking about it more and after the second viewing, I actually really like this villain because he is conflicted and neurotic. I love his tantrum scene and his conversation with his grandpa’s helmet. When he commits patricide, it's shocking and powerful.  

Unfortunately, I don't feel Han's death got the respectful treatment it deserved.  They should have let Chewie mourn more and embrace Leia when he sees her - instead he walks right by and she hugs Rey who she has never met. Chewie is involved in a lot of action and has a bigger role than in past films, yet he is robbed of an opportunity to show true grief.  I suppose it's always possible Han didn't die and is hanging from a vent somewhere, like Luke did at the bottom of Cloud City. A girl can dream.

Why do I place Force Awakens above Return of the Jedi? Well, it’s a close call, as I do love Jedi. For me, Jedi lost momentum once the Han Solo rescue was completed. I loved Jabba’s palace and the creatures there and the sail barge action. I thought the ewoks were cute, but I can understand why hard core fans hate them. Clearly, they paved the way for Jar Jar Binks. I found myself not that interested in another Death Star space battle. And Harrison Ford didn’t seem interested either. It’s no secret he asked George to kill off his character in that film. He had so many other opportunities at that point in his career and he really seemed like he would rather be doing them. And since he was my main attraction in the films, I felt it and it kept me at a bit of a distance when watching Jedi. In Force Awakens, he seems happy to be there and reenergized by the role and the good dialogue he gets to deliver. It feels like he has come to terms with the importance of these films in his life and all our lives and he wants this one to succeed. He was even so much more relaxed in his interviews promoting this film, like he’s at peace with the universe. He had to have more fun with this film than he did with Kingdom of a Crystal Skull - and so do we all!

The John Williams score is strong as one would expect. Rey's Theme is the standout track for me.  The opening crawl and fanfare gave me chills. There's a lot of fun easter eggs for hard core fans, like the reappearance of the remote and the chess game on the Falcon. Fun is really the word for the movie - it may lack the depth of A New Hope and Empire - but it's damn fun! There’s so much action and such a fast pace. BB8 is just a happy fun ball. How adorable was it when he went down the stairs? I even find myself wanting a remote control BB8. He's just so cute and clever too.  

It's unlikely to happen, but I'd love to see Harrison Ford get a nomination for Best Supporting Actor. He conveys so much with his glances and crooked smile. He radiates class and gravitas when he says, "It's true. All of it." And we can see his tender side in his interactions with Leia (I wish she had more to do). We remember all the fun he brought to the saga through his humorous lines, like when he tells Finn that "women always know the truth", and even in the silly fight with the gangs and the monsters when he's taken the Falcon onto his freighter.  It’s tough to picture the next film being as strong without him being at the center. I know he has signed on to be in the next film, but it’s unclear what that will mean. It might be a brief cameo like Mark Hamill’s in this film.

My parents saw A New Hope before taking me to see it, to make sure it wouldn't be too scary. My mom skipped the second viewing and just let my dad take me. She said the only thing she liked about the film was Han Solo, that he was pretty cute.  And by the time Empire came out, I agreed with her. Our shared crush on Harrison Ford was something that we had in common, even in my teen years when it seemed we didn’t have anything else in common. My parents have passed on, but after seeing this film I found myself thinking about them and feeling grateful that they introduced me to Star Wars. I think my mom would still think Han Solo was pretty cute - and so do I.  

For Generation X, this is the saga of our lives, so it's quite emotional to come back to it and see the original actors again. I am willing to forgive a lot of plot holes for an experience that is so rich and nostalgic, yet fresh and well-crafted too.  

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Mary McCray Reviews Steve Martin's New DVD: The Television Stuff

They all say Generation Xers love irony in our literature and popular entertainments; we love “wink-wink” kitche; we love high camp; we love meta-texts (texts that are self-aware and self-referential). Everyone points to our love of The Brady Bunch (and other now-campy shows of its era) as evidence of this phenomenon, a particular indicator which never felt especially accurate to me. After all, the first time we poured over Brady Bunch re-runs after school during our pre-teen years, we loved it. We loved it straight on without a smidgeon of irony. Bad 1960s TV for adults evolved into swell recycled kids television in the 1970s. We thought The Brady Bunch was a well-executed, highly engaging, plot-driven dramedy. And we didn’t appreciate the show on any other level until the various TV reunion specials appeared in the 1980s. Then we realized it was bad; but we still loved it because we didn’t want to let it go; and irony allowed you to keep loving things that were really bad. So...(and this is important), we loved it both ironically and with a chaser-kick of sincere nostalgic love. Let’s not kid ourselves, Xers. When we ironically like The Brady Bunch, we are also aiming that disparaging irony back on ourselves for loving it the first time.

Those among us who became writers and lit readers took this love of loving things ironically and made heroes out of writers like Douglas Copeland (especially for his recognition of us in his novel Generation X), David Foster Wallace, Dave Eggers and Jonathan Franzen. Dave Eggers seemed the boldest in his performance of meta-writing. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Genius was packed to the rafters with self-awareness.

Before he died, David Foster Wallace gave a reading at the Hammer Museum in Los Angeles where he made an unexpected plea for a return to sincerity. We had gone so far with irony, he said. Maybe he thought we had lost emotion, had lost heart. The story he read, "Incarnations of Burned Children" from the short story collection Oblivion: Stories (2004). epitomized tragic sincerity and his point made a deep impression on me. I wondered how my generation of writers set off on this track of "high-plains-irony" we sometimes call post modernism, following on the works of novelists like John Barth. 

For Xers, was it really all because of The Brady Bunch? 

Ape Culture’s co-editor, Julie Wiskirchen, came to visit me in Santa Fe a few weekends ago and she brought me the new Steve Martin box set of his early TV appearances and specials, Steve Martin: The Television Stuff. The bulk of the material ranges from 1976 to 1982. After watching it, I now propose that Steve Martin introduced Generation Xers to a new type of humor that included large doses of meta-performance and irony. At least I’d like to propose that’s where irony started for me.

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Judy Blume Forever!

Today I saw Judy Blume speak at the LA Times Festival of Books, and it was a chance to meet a truly inspirational figure in my life.  


Growing up in the early 80s, I devoured her books. Going to Catholic school and being in a very religious household, I can say these books opened my eyes to the larger world and also made me feel normal because it seemed like any anxiety I might have such as worrying about my freckles (cf, Freckle Juice) or being overweight (cf, Blubber) was addressed in her books.  


While many of my peers were reading the Nancy Drew books and the Little House on the Prairie books, I really only cared about Judy's books because she was keeping it real. After getting through her books for pre-teens, I moved on to the teen books while still a pre-teen myself. This was how we did things. We read 16 magazine when we were 12.  We read Seventeen magazine when we were 14.  We read VC Andrews WAY before we should have.  


The teen books - Deenie, Tiger Eyes, and of course, Forever - were often banned from school libraries due to their frank sexuality. Many girls recall the dog-eared copy of Forever that got passed around on the bus with all the good parts highlighted.  


Sometime in my 20s, I read Wifey and was totally blown away by it. It's both a trashy beach read and also a true feminist text.  I imagine Judy based that character on herself to some degree, as she has said she was trapped in a "suffocating" marriage when she began to escape through her writing.  And then she got divorced. And she wrote about kids in divorced families - stuff we just didn't talk about back then.


In conversation today with Mary McNamara, 74-year-old Judy Blume went through her career with us, and she was extremely down to earth and humble.  


Judy said the character Fudge was based on her son Larry, who was a rather challenging toddler. Larry is a director now, and he directed a film version of Tiger Eyes that just won best film at the Palm Beach film festival. Judy and Larry co-wrote the screenplay. When talking about how proud of Larry and the film she was, Judy teared up a bit.  It's hard to believe no films have been made from her books before this one!


She said she couldn't find books that mirrored her life as a kid, so perhaps she was unconsciously trying to write the kind of book she wanted back then.  She said she felt that parents and teachers shouldn't be judgmental about what kids want to read, and she spoke out against the Accelerated Reader program. 


She spoke about hating to write first drafts, but enjoying the subsequent drafts. She said it took her 3 months to find Sandy's voice for Wifey, and she wrote 23 drafts of Summer Sisters! 


As for Forever, she said she wrote it for her teen daughter who had noticed that when teens had sex in books, it always ended badly with a pregnancy or a botched abortion or a breakup.  So she wanted to show that sex could be non-fatal and maybe even pleasurable.  She said her publisher didn't know how to cope with the book and released it with "her first novel for adults" on the cover, which really pissed her off. 


An audience member tried to bait her into saying negative things about The Hunger Games and other YA gothic series', but Judy wouldn't go for it. Again, she was just happy that kids were reading. She did point out some authors who were writing about real life for the YA audience such as John Green and Carolyn Mackler. Some very young kids asked questions, and Judy was patient in answering them. She had to disappoint one boy who asked if there would be any more Fudge books. She said she didn't think so, but never say never. She's currently working on a book set in her hometown of Elizabeth, New Jersey, based on real events. 


Another audience member asked her if she'd heard Amanda Palmer's song "Judy Blume" and what she thought about it. Judy said she had watched the video on YouTube and tweeted with Amanda about how much she liked it. Thoroughly modern Judy!  It's a powerful song and one I can relate to.

Judy got a standing ovation at the end - something I've never seen at the Festival of Books - usually people just grab their book satchels and leave the panels early to scurry off to their next panel, but I didn't see much of that happening with Judy.  After the talk, I waited in line almost 2 hours to get a copy of Tales of a Fourth Grade Nothing signed. Judy was tireless in signing for the huge crowd.  I was bummed I wasn't able to locate my vintage copy of Wifey and get it signed, but glad nonetheless to have her autograph and to have a moment to thank her for getting me through puberty, junior high, and so many tribulations in my young life. Thanks, Judy!

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House of Davids Estate Sale

The King of Hancock Park is selling his castle and all its contents. After driving by this house for years, I couldn't resist the chance to go inside and maybe get a souvenir.

For those not familiar with this story, Norwood Young, a former Star Search winner and R&B recording artist has a home called Youngwood Court, aka "The House of Davids" due to the fact he has placed 17 statues of David on columns in front of the house. The house has caused much consternation among the quiet, wealthy neighbors over the years. They disliked the accoutrements, the drive-by tourists, and the parties. Now Young is looking for a fresh start after publishing his autobiography last year that describes a lot of the pain that led to all the partying, plastic surgery, and excess.

The estate sale is running 2 weekends. I was there for opening day on Oct 15. I had read it would start at 9am and imagined people would be there even earlier, but I slept in and got there around 11:30am. There was a small line, and I realized that the sale hadn't begun. Some girls in hot pink outfits were setting up a champagne bar in the driveway. The gal in line behind me had an email that said the estate sale would be kicking off with a champagne and massage reception. 'Cuz that's how Norwood rolls.

I didn't realize it at the time, not being aware of what he looked like, but Norwood himself came out to tell the line they would be opening a few minutes late. And then Sharon Yost who was running the estate sale came out and explained we would be entering through a side gate to the backyard and would be expected to leave that way too. We were told to not partake of the champagne or free massages as those were for a separate event going on. Hmmph.

I was in the first group of 25 people to be let inside. Once in the backyard, I noticed the faded painting of Norwood on the bottom of the pool. Lots of statues were for sale, as well as a large variety of Christmas decorations. They were even selling picnic plastic cutlery and containers of margaritas salt. Yes, everything must go at estate sales, but it's a little strange when the person isn't dead.

Inside the house, I checked out the home theater, adorned with Norwood-centric artwork, including a strange 3D portrait of him as a lion that kind of resembled Ron Perlman in Beauty and the Beast. Lots of glassware was for sale on the bar. I noticed what would become my only purchase - Norwood glasses - adorned with a logo and images of David. A good souvenir for $10 each, and a fine addition to my wet bar!

Next up, there was the dining room. The lucite cocktail rounds are suspended from the ceiling, with track lighting on the floor shining up, and lucite dining chairs. There's an 8' tall sequined Michael Jackson glove that can be yours for $5000. The entrance hall had a white grand piano with a Norwood puppet on top of it, and 2 huge "Alice in Wonderland" chairs. They were $500 each. There were 2 bedrooms on the first floor with furnishing for sale. I don't know how to really describe the house's design aesthetic - "Nagel meets Elvis" maybe?

At first, we weren't allowed access to the upstairs Master Suite because Norwood was in there. Then he came down and greeted some of the guests and the reality TV crew. We could then take off our shoes and ascend the dirty white carpeted stairs to the master suite. It had a large sleigh bed and a nice balcony overlooking the pool.

Back downstairs, I watched Norwood's manager show off Norwood's bejeweled pimp cup to the reality TV crew, stating that Norwood would drink his tea from it. I took my glasses to the cash register and overheard someone asking the cost of the David statues. The clerk said she thought they were $1000 each, but the price was probably negotiable.

The price of the house is probably negotiable, too. Originally, it was listed at $2.4 million but now it's listed at $1.795 million. It's hard for me to imagine who will buy it. I'm not sure it's a tear down, but it would need a gut overhaul if purchased by anyone who didn't like marble floors and soiled white carpet. It's allegedly 7 bedrooms and 4800 sq ft on a third of an acre. Some rooms were closed off, but it didn't seem that big.

Next weekend, expect to see Norwood's clothes and kitchen stuff for sale. We were told they didn't have time to get everything sorted before this weekend. It's definitely worth the trip, and I bet there will still be a few Davids left for purchase.

While Norwood seemed upbeat, there was a strange, dark vibe in the house. I felt my previous celeb garage sale experience at Pam Anderson's sale was more fun. Maybe Pam's shabby chic furntiure is just easier on the eyes than a giant Michael Jackson glove?

You can see all my pics here.

See the estate sale info, with lots more pics.

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Deaths of a King and an Angel

It's been a rough week for LA and the rest of the celebrity-worshipping world. Thursday morning brought the news that Farrah Fawcett had succumbed to cancer. I was really sad to hear this, although after having watched her documentary, it was clear she wasn't getting better. I grew up as a fan of Charlie's Angels and admired Farrah's performance in The Burning Bed, but I didn't really pay much attention to her until she got sick. I was then really impressed by her brave fight against cancer. It takes guts when you are a woman whose livelihood is based on looks to show yourself looking your worst. I know she will remain an inspiration to many, and she has definitely raised the awareness of anal cancer and cancer in general. If it can happen to Farrah, it can happen to any of us.

Thursday afternoon, poor Farrah was quickly eclipsed by the news that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. TMZ reported he was dead. Legit news sites were just saying he was at the ER. Who to believe? Facebook and Twitter nearly collapsed under the avalanche of posting. We got nothing done at work discussing the drama. And then the surreal news that Michael was indeed dead came across the legit newswire.

I've never been a fan, not even when I was 10 years old and Thriller came out and all the other kids were wearing zipper jackets and one glove. I never bought the album. I don't dispute he's a musical genius, but his music wasn't really my bag. It's tough to make a saint out of someone who may have been a pedophile. Of course we will never know the truth, but there was certainly a lot of shady behavior and eccentricities. Still, my sympathy goes out to his children and family. This is definitely a loss to pop culture on the level of Elvis.

Some people seem surprised at the hysteria going on in the wake of Michael's death. We at Ape Culture are not surprised. We've been dealing with his hysterical fans for years. You see, they have taken umbrage over basically any article we've written that has been even slightly critical of Michael. And their hatemail attacks have often been vicious and personal. His fans are a breed apart. They have called us ugly and wished cancer on us. After a while, we were receiving so much hate mail from MJ fans, we decided to make it easy for them by creating the Michael Jackson Mad-as-Hell-Lib which automatically generates a hate mail.

Here is a representative example of the emails we received over the years (spelling errors left intact):

OK I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS FOR DOING THIS! MICHAEL IS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE ROCKS MY WORLD. STOP INSULTING HIM LIKE THAT! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF HE DID THAT TO YOU? I THINK YOU GUYS ARE JELEOUS BECAUSE HE HAS MONEY! AND AS FOR HIS LOOKS, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE FROM HIS SONG "PRIVACY"? HE WAS ALWAYS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE!!! HE IS A NICE, CARING, HELPING MAN. AND THATS ONLY THE FEW OF THE WORDS I CAN DESCRIBE HIM WITH. ANYWAYS ITS NOT LIKE YOU GUYS ARE REALLY BEAUTIFUL YOURSELVES THAT YOU DO THIS TO HIM!! I THINK YOU BETTER WRITE TO HIM AND APOLOGIZE!!! HE IS GREAT. I'M SORRY BUT I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. ANYWAYS YOU PEOPLE BETTER GET A LIFE, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE! (OVIOUSLY) I DON'T GET IT WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU???? ANYWAYS IM GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY.ONCE MORE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, GET A LIFE, MORONS!!!!!!!!!
***** | 01.24.03 - 5:55 pm | #

We currently have 173 such comments on the site. You can read them all here.

So if you are hoping the hysteria will die down soon and we can just remember the music, think again. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

For the Ape Culture perspective on Michael through the years, check out:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Getting Over the Michael Jackson Documentary

Be Michael in our Michael Jackson Choose-Your-Own-Celebrity-Adventure

A review of Michael's 30th Anniversary Television Special

Ape Culture Cares About Celebrities on Hard Times: The Oompa Loompa Clinic for Celebrities Suddenly Gone Wack

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Attending an Osbournes: Reloaded Taping, or Journey to a Lower Circle of Hell

Julie and Dave being forced to applaud at a taping of The Osbournes: Reloaded


WARNING - Spoilers of upcoming episodes of The Osbournes: Reloaded

I've lived in LA long enough now to know that attending TV tapings is usually excruciatingly dull. You have to show up early and wait in line. There's a lot of herding. The studios are freezing. There's usually a bad warm-up comedian. And it will take at least 3 hours to tape a 30-minute show unless it's live like American Idol or a well-oiled machine like The Price is Right.

Occasionally, my fandom takes over and I forget this painful reality. Thus, I attended a taping of The Osboures: Reloaded. I somehow convinced my friend Christopher and boyfriend Dave to join me on this adventure.

We arrived about an hour before the taping and started the herding process. In the holding pen, we were asked to fill out questionnaires. We were told there would be some audience participation in the show and the chance to win stuff. So we had to answer things like "would you eat crickets for $50? $100? $500?" We also had to fill out some fun facts about ourselves. Once inside the studio, we were asked if we minded getting wet. We said we didn't. I figured this would mean Ozzy would spray the crowd with a fire hose, the way he does in concert. So because we were game, we got seats in the front row, off to the side.

And so the variety show began. The Osbournes took the stage with their dogs. Immediately, we could tell the writing was horrible. Due to a dispute with the Writer's Guild, the show was using non-union writers. Boy, did it show. The banter between the Osbournes was so cheesy and stilted that it made Sonny's and Cher's banter seem positively Shakespearean in comparison.

We were introduced to a super Fall Out Boy fan. She was shown a video of the band, allegedly sitting in her bedroom. She then was told she would get to go meet the band! A limo whisked her away. We later learned the bedroom was just a set, and when she got to her house, the band wasn't there. But never fear, she got back to the studio in time to see the band perform. The "superfan" tried to lipsynch along but didnt seem to know the words. She was clearly an actress, as was everyone brought on stage.

Another segment involved a girl and guy being picked from the crowd and asked to make out on stage, while blindfolded. For a second kiss, they swapped the cute young girl for an old lady. Hilarity ensued as we watched them kiss. Yuck. Again, all actors.

The kids didn't seem happy. Ozzy looked pretty miserable. Only Sharon seemed to be enjoying herself. I was reminded of the essay I wrote many moons ago when The Osbournes MTV show was all the rage - where I was upset at Sharon for turning Ozzy into a clown and worried that she was exploiting her kids who wouldn't handle fame well. I hate to say I told ya so. You could tell the only reason they were all on stage was because the check cleared. Sharon must want to redecorate one of the houses.

In another segment called "The Other Osbournes," the family hit the road to visit someone named Osbourne who is really into UFOs. This was kinda quirky but ultimately seemed like making fun of the mentally ill.

Another painful segment was called something like "Challenge Jack" and another allegedly random audience member was brought on stage to compete against Jack. They were put in tanks of supposedly freezing water and whoever failed to answer a question would have ice poured on top of them. The water was clearly not cold, and Jack's acting skills couldn't sell it.

The only funny segment of the show was a video segment where Ozzy was inserted into various films, like Pirates of the Caribbean. These bits have been used as show openers on Ozzfest for many years, and they are always hilarious. Ozzy can be very funny, when he's being himself, not reading off a script.

I was hoping that Ozzy and Kelly might sing a song together, or Ozzy would play with his band. This is a variety show, right? There should be music. Well, the only music was a song by Fall Out Boy. I was suprised at how collectively diminutive the band was. It wasn't great, but it did wake us up a bit.

At the end of the show, Ozzy took out the fire hose and sprayed the crowd. Christopher and I got soaked in foam, but somehow he totally missed the biggest target, Dave. No fair! We were then briefly toweled off but sent out into a chilly December evening in wet clothes. At concerts, Ozzy sprays the crowd because he's gotten the crowd worked up into a sweaty, yelling, tit-flashing frenzy. It feels good to get cooled off by his hose. Here it just felt like The Osbournes were pissing on us. The whole show was so utterly insulting, as was the experience of being in the audience. By the way, the questionairres we had labored over weren't used at all. Yes, the whole evening was a total waste of time.

After three hours of this torture, I again vowed never again to attend a TV taping, and expressed further sadness for Ozzy for having to be in this pathetic mess. Sharon uses him the way Colonel Tom used Elvis. I believe the show is scheduled for 6 episodes, but I'll be surprised if all 6 episodes actually air. The first episode aired last Tuesday, benefitting from the great lead-in of American Idol. Watching it, I noticed they showed our opening and the kiss segment. The other segments were cobbled together from other tapings. Ozzy and Sharon went on Howard Stern this week to promote the show, but Ozzy had nothing positive to say. He said he hoped the show would bomb so he wouldn't have to do it anymore. So do we, Ozzy, so do we.

When the show was annouced, Ozzy promised it would not be like Sonny and Cher. He's right. Sonny and Cher was actually entertaining.

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Meeting Jonathan Hart

I can cross another childhood crush off the list, as I got to meet Robert Wagner tonight. I grew up watching Hart to Hart. I told RJ the show made me want to move to LA. I wanted to cruise around in a convertible Mercedes with the license plate "2 Harts" just like Jonathan and Jennifer...and now I do, except it's a convertible Audi sans vanity plate. RJ was so dashing and handsome on that show, and, heck, he still looks great at age 78.

To promote his new memoir Pieces of My Heart, RJ appeared for a talk and signing at the Santa Monica Public Library. The talk was really fun because it was a conversation with his daughter Katie. His daughter Natasha was also in the crowd. Katie teased her dad about all the girls he's loved before, including the big revelation that he had a 3-year love affair with Barbara Stanwyck long before it was cool to date a cougar. They also talked about his great love - Natalie Wood - how they met when she was 18, married young, divorced, remarried, and the tragic accident. Natasha asked a question about how her dad managed to keep in touch with people over the years and be such a good friend who called his friends often. He replied that it was just due to putting in the effort. Katie reminded Natasha that their dad was one of the first people in LA to have a car phone.

RJ talked a lot about the importance of mentors in his life, including David Niven, Laurence Olivier, and Paul Newman. He was generous with his time, putting up with some crackpot questions from the audience. One guy asked why after all his years of looking impeccable and clean-shaven, RJ would allow a stubbly pic of himself to be on his book cover. The guy wouldn't let it go and said he disliked how everyone was stubbly in movies today. RJ simply said it was a picture taken on the set of The Longest Day that his daughter Courtney had suggested he use, and that it represented a time when he was in a lot of emotional turmoil due to the first break up with Natalie. I think it's a very striking photo, probably because it does seem slightly out of character (but still dashing!).

Another person in the audience brought up something that had always bothered me: how did the Harts manage to attract more friends since one of their friends died in every episode of Hart to Hart. RJ laughed and said it was quite lonely after a while since everyone was wary of befriending them. He also pointed out that it was odd that Max didn't have a room - or at least, it was never shown on the show.

There was also a sweet question from the audience, where a gal got up and said it was refreshing to see a loving couple like Jonathan and Jennifer on TV in an era of a lot of soap opera style feuding. RJ said the network always wanted more conflict on the show but they refused to cave in and kept calling each other "darling."

RJ signed books and posed for photos, chatting with everyone and being very gracious. I have to agree with Max. He's quite a guy!

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Meet the YouTube Filmmakers...and a Project Runway Legend

Last night, Google hosted a Meet the YouTube Filmmakers event at the El Rey Theater. This was the second Google party we've thrown at the El Rey (the first being our Old Vegas holiday party in 2006), and they are a great venue to work with!

The program's panelists included YouTube filmmakers Arin Crumley, Javier Prato, M dot Strange, Ben Shelton, and Francis Stokes who talked about their experiences with YouTube and the alternatives it offers for distribution and marketing for independent filmmakers. A couple Google engineers also talked about the behind-the-scenes machinations of the site.


The highlight of the night for me was meeting Vincent Libretti from Project Runway. Vincent was my favorite cast member of his season, and I wrote a tribute to him when he got kicked off. It turns out he's the neighbor of one of my colleagues, who doesn't have a TV so wasn't familiar with the show but thought Vincent was an interesting fellow.

Vincent was super-friendly, and we chatted for a bit about the reality TV experience. It sounds like it was stressful but ultimately worth it. He described many long days and tough working conditions - they were filming in NYC in the summer in un-air-conditioned workspace where the windows had to be kept shut to block the traffic noise for filming - no wonder he had some tantrums! Of course, tantrums make good reality TV. He's developing several new TV projects and still running his store.

We also talked about the everyday woman challenge he won, where the designers had to make clothes for their fellow designers mothers or sisters, many of whom did not look like models. I said the designers acted like designing for plus-sized gals was torture, and he said they were over-reacting and that he felt he was able to win that challenge because he is good at reading people and recognizing their taste and personality.

He laughed when I told him my friends and I still like to quote his catchphrases: "That turns me on!" and "That gets me off!"

I have to say - these Google parties turn me on!

Photos by Brady Walters

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Trippin Out at Pam Anderson's Estate Sale

Let's dispel those nasty rumors - just because she's having an estate sale doesn't mean Pamela Anderson is dead! She's very much alive and you can go see her this weekend in Malibu and root through her stuff!

When I got the Urban Daddy email yesterday about Pam Anderson's Estate Sale, I knew I had to check it out. Lucky for me, my friend Annie was into the idea as well, so we got up early today and drove up to Malibu High School, the parking area for the sale. Upon arrival, we were met by PAs from the new reality show "Pamela" and a security guard. We were told to leave our cameras in the car and made to sign a waiver agreeing to appear as background people in the TV show. We then boarded a black shuttle van and waited to depart. And we waited 15 minutes or so, until a PA came over and told us there was drama at the house! Apparently the neighbors were complaining about the traffic and about people being made to believe this was Pam's real house. It was just a rental house for the sale. The neighbors feared Pam stalkers would keep coming back and destroy their idyllic existence. So the PAs were being made to put up signs everywhere that said "This is not Pam's real house!" Eventually, the PA got the cue that it was okay to proceed, so our van proceeded on the short drive to the rented house.

Upon arrival, we saw a lemonade stand ostensibly staffed by Pam's and Tommy's offspring, Brandon and Dylan. In reality, a chef was manning the stand while Brandon and Dylan played football with a friend. They are cute kids, rambunctious but well-behaved. Dylan hit me with a spit ball, but apologized, saying he had been aiming for his friend.

We started browsing through the stuff - outside there was a tented area with white shabby chic couches, a ton of shabby chic patio furniture, and a bunch of toys and games. There was also a hot pink Butt Blaster exercise machine. As we were looking at Pam's tools, Pam emerged from the house, wearing short shorts and a t-shirt. She was actually at her own garage sale! She said hello to everyone and the camera crew followed her around as she second-guessed selling certain things. She reclaimed a pair of purple rain boots and put them on. She conferred with her mom, who was also there hanging out.

Inside a large garage, we found a ton of shabby chic furniture. How many armoires can one woman have? There were at least 10 huge ones for sale. An autographed orange life buoy from Baywatch was on a silent auction with a starting bid of $1800 (no bids yet). There were a lot of linens and kitchen stuff. One guy bought Pam's toaster and asked her to autograph it. He said he would be putting it by the autographed microwave he bought at Tori Spelling's sale.

I proceeded into the clothes room where I marveled at the many varieties of hooker shoes, all in size 5 1/2. I wear a size 9, so I could not take home any clear-bottomed platform heels. I then stumbled upon five faux fur coats in different colors and styles. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I could actually fit in one. Maybe it belonged to Kid Rock rather than Pam? Either way, I was getting it, even if it was $150. Hey, all proceeds were going to PETA after all, and I'd been planning to buy one for Burning Man anyway. I also snapped up a fabulous pink and purple boa for $35. The clerk told me it was well-crafted and probably cost Pam $100. I doubt it, but I dig it anyway. Annie bought a little league T-shirt for the Malibu Braves. Brandon's and Dylan's names were on the back and she had them autograph it for her, and Pam signed it too - very cool souvenir!

Outside there was a giant pile of remote controls. I wondered if she had ditched them in favor of a universal remote. There was also a collection of about 25 metal buckets and wash tubs - not sure what that's about. Pam pointed out some kids furniture that she said was purchased for her kids by golfer John Daly. There were some books and CDs - Lots of normal stuff you'd find at any garage sale. In fact, we were struck by how normal Pam and the kids were. She chatted with customers, gladly signed items including underwear, and then dashed off in her Range Rover to take her kids to their baseball game. OK, not everything was normal. There were two gals dressed as chicken showgirls carrying "Boycott KFC" signs. Yes, the day was an odd mix of the surreal and the mundane, and it was all great fun.

Although we couldn't take our cameras to the sale, we did manage to get a photo on the run of Pam driving , as they happened to be heading south on PCH right when we were. Stars - they are just like us! They drive their kids to ballgames! They put items up for sale at yard sales and then have second thoughts and reclaim them! They hire chefs to run their children's lemonade stands!

Anyway, if you want a piece of Pam, be it a chainmail bra or an ice cream scoop, you have one more day to get there!

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Scenes from the Morrissey Convention

I went, and I stood on my own.

I checked out the annual Morrissey convention for the first time on Sunday night. It was held at Crash Mansion LA downtown and emceed by Richard "Flashback Favorites" Blade.

I had been to several KISS and Cher conventions, and I have to say the Morrissey convention paled in comparison to them when it came to memorabilia and schwag. There were only maybe 5 vendor tables set up in the lobby, peddling buttons, t-shirts, bootlegs. That aspect of the show was disappointing.

The entertainment more than made up for the lack of merchandise. These Charming Men, a Morrissey/Smiths tribute band from Dublin, played two sets. They played an all-Smiths set and then an all-Morrissey set. Singer Lee Brady looked more like Frank Whaley than Moz, but he sounded a lot like Moz, and the band members were skilled musicians. The end product was a very effective tribute. Fans sang along to every tune. The club was rockin' especially toward the end of the Morrissey set when the band played the anthemic "Irish Blood, English Heart."

Other activities included a "Name that Tune" contest. I was impressed at the fans who could name the Morrissey tunes in a few notes, even though Richard Blade did give out a few hints. There was a tattoo contest where fans showed off the Moz heads on their biceps and backs (and one girl showed off "Viva Hate" tattooed on her belly).

A guy proposed to his girlfriend on stage, stating that she was a big Moz fan so he thought this was an appropriate venue. Yes, there is a light that never goes out.

Former Morrissey band member Gary Day made an appearance for a brief DJ set.

Standing on the sidelines in true "How Soon Is Now?" fashion, I really enjoyed the people watching. The crowd was 98% Chicano and many were dressed to the nines. There were a lot of rockabilly types and gals in 50s clothes with fantastic hairstyles or Betty Page bangs. Many guys were rockin' the pompadour. I really didn't fully understand the appeal of Morrissey to the Chicano crowd, so I read up on it in Ask a Mexican by Gustavo Arellano. Arellano likens Morrissey's music to ranchera and his effeminate stage presence to Juan Gabriel. Morrissey has returned the affection he got from the Chicano crowd by moving to Los Angeles (or "Moz Angeles" as one fan's T-shirt said) for a spell and by once declaring he wished he'd been born Mexican. Morrissey's theme of alienation appeals to Chicanos and, well, just about everyone at some point or another.

And I left on my own.

Check out my photo album for more pics of the Moz Con.




Remember, people, Morrissey has your back.

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