Hello fans,
I've come to realize I am not content with the 15 minutes of fame I received from being on Who Gets the Dog. Therefore, I'm always seeking the spotlight. Thus, I implore Coolia to register me for the Nuts for Mutts dog show each year. It's a fundraiser for New Leash on Life animal rescue. As a rescue dog 
myself, I heartily support the cause.
The dog show takes place at Pierce College in Woodland Hills. Even a D-list Dog like myself rarely ventures into "The Valley," but I make an exception for this show. The show inevitably happens on a boiling hot day, because, well, most days are boiling hot in The Valley.
Friends, you know that I am delicate, and my albino skin cannot take much direct sunlight, so today was a challenge for me. It was already hot when we arrived at 9:30am, and temps later climbed into the 90s. My first category was Best Smile. I refused to drink water before the event because I know I have to be panting in order to have a big smile. Being a star requires suffering and sacrifice. I thought the competition was fierce as every dog was panting and therefore smiling, but it turned out we all advanced to the Finals by default. There were only 10 dogs competing (out of possibly 25 slots) and 10 dogs get to go to the Finals. I consider this a rather hollow victory. I also noticed my teeth are getting a bit yellow as I'm now 5 years old. It may be time for Lumineers.
I took a break to relax in the shade with some of Coolia's friends, including Nerdia and BFF who brought along my good friend Franz. Franz was not competing, but he came to cheer me on. It always does a competitor good to have friendly faces in the crowd.
Next up for me was "Most Handsome - Medium Breed." This should be easy for me as I'm medium and damn handsome. I did notice I was up against some other pretty attractive dogs, including Bentley who was quite unusual, being half Bassett Hound and half English Bulldog. There were 12 dogs in the category and 10 of us advanced to the Finals - including me! The judge called me a stud. Coolia pointed out that Kimberly Caldwell, former American Idol contestant, was on hand for the judging of the early rounds. I yawned.
8 dogs braved the heat and stuck around for the finals of Most Handsome. I pranced into the ring, feeling this was my chance to grab a blue ribbon and make it to the Best in Show round. Debra Wilson, formerly of Mad TV was once again the emcee. She and I go way back. So, I was feeling comfortable. Then, Coolia squealed with glee when she found out Rip Taylor would be judging my category. I did not know who the old man with the funny moustache was, so Coolia informed me he had hosted The $1.98 Beauty Show. This didn't lend me much clarity. The other judges for my round were Anna Friel and Ian Somerhalder of Lost. Coolia said Ian was truly the Most Handsome. Down, girl!
I turned on the charm, but Coolia distracted Rip from admiring me by telling him a story about how the first musical she ever saw as a kid was Peter Pan at the Fabulous Fox Theater in St. Louis and he played Captain Hook. Rip said he remembered the show, and "I'm still at it, honey. Check me out at riptaylor.com!" He then did briefly examine me and pronounce me cute. Anna kept her distance, but Ian seemed captured by my whimsy.
The judges conferred. The suspense was killing me. Or maybe it was the heat. Debra took the microphone to announce the winners. She began humming "Frankenstein" so I knew she was talking about me as that is one of my namesake's songs. I got Third Place! I got a yellow ribbon! First place went to Bailey, a cocker spaniel-ish dog with a luxurious coat. Bailey was nice, so I won't talk trash about him, but the long hair does make him kinda look like a girl. I'm just sayin...
I enjoyed an air-conditioned ride back to the more civilized West Side of Los Angeles, happy with my ribbon but still setting my pink eyes on the prize of Best in Show -wait 'til next year!
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Nuts for Mutts 2009: The Quest for Shade
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Edgar Meets McCanine
Watch what happens when Edgar gets a new chew toy. Video seems to only play in Internet Explorer or Safari.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Thursday, February 21, 2008
Edgar on the News
Coolia takes me to work with her at Google sometimes. Do you know what they have there? An $11,000 coffee maker. Do I care about that? No. I am way more interested in other perks like unlimited string cheese and smart water. I find I learn tricks much faster when properly hydrated with smart water.
Anyway, I was in a meeting the other day at work when I noticed some commotion outside the conference room. There was a TV camera crew out there! Immediately, I recalled my training from "Who Gets The Dog" and got ready for my close-up. I reared up on my hind legs at the glass door, and they noticed me and put me in the news story! It was just like those old Hollywood stories about starlets getting discovered at the Schwab's soda fountain.
You can see me for about 2 seconds in this news story on Google job perks. Apparently, I am a perk. I am misidentified as Fido here but you'll recognize me. Soon, everyone will!
A Barry-licsious New Barry Manilow Video
Edgar Winter Dog here reporting on my last visit to Nerdia's house to have a sleep-over with my new friend Franz Alonzo. Nerdia made us watch the latest Barry Manilow concert video Songs of the Seventies. No, contrary to all our expectations, this wasn't a concert version of Barry's latest cover album. This was a live show of all of Barry's own seventies hits, with a few stray covers included.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Edgar Reviews Celebrity Apprentice
Coolia has a thing for Gene Simmons, so she forced me to tune into the premiere episode of Celebrity Apprentice. I spent most of the time mesmerized by the strange hairstyles of Gene and Donald Trump. People often comment on my unusual hair and sometimes call it wiry, but how does one even begin to describe Gene's and Donald's 'dos?
We were introduced to the "celebrities" who included people like Tifany Fallon, Tito Ortiz, and Nely Galan. You are probably saying to yourself: "Edgar, you are a bigger celebrity than these people!" Well, you are correct. The "celebrities" were slagging Omarosa for being a fake celebrity but as a fellow reality tv star (you might recognize me from Who Gets The Dog) I would wager to say she is more of a household name than softball gold medalist Jenny Finch. How many viewers even realize that softball is an Olympic sport?
The teams were divided - boys vs girls. Stephen Baldwin captained the boys and Omarosa captained the girls in their first challenge - run a hot dog cart. They had to pick their location and compete to earn the most money for charity. While Omarosa wanted to trade on sales skills, Taxi's Marilu Henner wisely suggested working celebrity contacts. Gene went the same route and called in some favors, and Ultimate Fighter Tito Ortiz brought his girlfriend Jenna Jameson to draw a crowd. I have to say I barely recognized Jenna - she has had more work done than Leona Helmsley's yorkie.
In the end, the boys made way more money than the girls, and playmate Tiffany Fallon was sent home for failing to ask Hugh Hefner for money. She said she had been saving Hugh for a future challenge. Meanwhile, nobody gave me a hot dog.
The preview for next week showed Donald yelling at Gene and calling him a bad dog. I may sulk in the bedroom like a bad dog myself if Coolia keeps watching this show.
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Butt-Sniffing Celebrities
I had another celebrity sighting a week or so ago while summering in my vacation beach house in Venice. Ed Helms or somebody who looks like Ed Helms (not sure…I’m short and couldn’t get a good look-see) discussed me in front of my Auntie Nerdia.
Ed plays Andy in The Office (US version). Nerdia and Coolia watch The Office and sometimes I look on. Ed was funny…especially that time he was floating down the lake in a psudo-fat wrestling outfit…yeah, that was funny. Nerdia kept rewinding it. Read More......
Sunday, April 15, 2007
A Dog's Life on the D-List
Coolia, Nerdia, and my BFF invited me along for brunch on Saturday. I suggested we go to Hans Rockenwagner's new Venice hot spot, 3 Square Cafe, because it has a lovely patio where I can sit with my peeps. The restaurant was bustling, and one rather brusque waitress told me I was in the way, blocking the aisle. Another waitress quickly followed up and said I was not in the way at all and that I was "the cutest dog in the world."
As I was begging for Coolia to toss me some weisswurst, I heard the brusque waitress call out, "Jake, over here." Two guys walked by tailed by a german shepherd. I immediately
recognized the dog was Atticus Gyllenhaal and went to say hello. Atticus sniffed me for one second and then kept walking. Apparently, he wasn't familiar with my work on Who Gets The Dog?
I tell you, life as a D-List dog is full of disappointment. You may remember I frolicked with Mindy Cohn's dogs, fellow residents of the D-List. But Atticus was far too A-List for me. Coolia and Nerdia were too busy staring at Atticus' owner Jake to even notice that I was sniffed and snubbed.
Sometimes the only thing that fills the emptiness is weisswurst, and luckily, there was plenty of it raining down on me.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Edgar Takes a Bite Outta Sanjaya
This time of year is difficult for me. Coolia continually devotes two nights per week to watching American Idol when we could be watching agility contests on Animal Planet. As if that weren't bad enough, Nerdia can't stop going on about one of the contestants - Sanjaya - and his hair. He is the Samson of this show - if you took him to Petsmart for a good grooming, he would be nothing.
I am used to getting the hair compliments around this blog. There was a time when Gotti Hotties roamed the earth, when my hairstyle was in. Now I'm yesterday's reality hair news. I might as well have Farrah hair, except that I'm afraid of the blow dryer.
If you are one of those Sanjaya groupies, you might enjoy Nerdia's haiku tribute to him - The Sanjaya Mala-kus. Personally, I'd rather read Old Yeller even though it doesn't end well.
Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my hair.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Helga...I Never Knew Thee
I spent last weekend with my Auntie Nerdia and I was oft reminded of my predecessor, the snarly former gubernatorial candidate Helga. Helga passed away in May of 2004 and although her portraits about Nerdia’s house were lovely, I heard many accounts that she was never a beotch to suffer fools and just about everyone was a fool in her book -- save a select few.
Myself, I am people puppy. But while I was luxuriating in front of the telly nibbling on turkey bits Nerdia’s significant roomie made for me, I noticed Nerdia was lovingly updating Helga’s memorial page which includes an impressive list of quotes about the most glorious species on Earth of which I'm a card-carrying member. Click below to read Helga’s collection of hilarious dog quotes such as:
Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.-- Franklin P. Jones
This quote is particularly close to my heart as I was also forced to partake in a long bath last weekend at the hands of my doggie-sitters. It was my pleasure to make my obnoxious bath attendant eat some Lever 2000 before he released me from the tub-shaped prison looking all too much like a big wet rat.
Read more quotes about dogs: http://www.cherscholar.com/helga.htm#Quotes
Read More......
Sunday, January 07, 2007
Happy New Year from Edgar
Greetings, friends, and Happy New Year! I hope your holidays were grand. I received several gifts, including a stuffed veterinarian doll (I ate his liver with some Beggin' Strips and a nice water), a bag of pig ears, and an agility kit. Yesterday, Coolia and Nerdia set up the agility course for me in the backyard. They got quite excited as I jumped over a low bar and weaved around poles. They tried to lure me into an unstable tunnel with treats but I wanted no part of it. I fear I will need a lot more practice before my performances will be showcased on Animal Planet.
New Year's Eve was nothing special for me, but Coolia, Nerdia and company went to see some tribute bands in the Valley. Nerdia wrote a review that you can read on Ape Culture. There were tribute bands for Stevie Ray Vaughn, Queen, and Journey. Perhaps this is of interest to you, but I stopped caring about Journey when Steve Perry left the band.
Time for me to take a nap and dream about jumping through hoops. Later.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
The KFC Bucket is Half-Empty
As cruel as it looks, my care-giver Coolia once again made me a pawn in her desire for fame and riches. She put me in yet another ridiculous high-concept, pop-referential Halloween costume this year in an effort to win the BowWowWeen contest. Nerdia was complacent in the mess. She was my dresser for the event and was highly annoying, always trying to readjust my glasses.
Hear me now. I am not responsible for this. I tried every means to disrobe during our dress rehearsal at the Culver City Petco, a contest which I won, by the way. Coolia learned from the costume malfunctions here and re-tweaked my disguise at home.
If you haven't guessed who I am by now, I don't blame you. People kept calling me a bucket of chicken. But as you can see, the head of Colonel Sanders is cut out of the KFC box. I am wearing black specs, a white coat and a bow tie. Get it now?
I didn't recognize any of the celebs at the BowWowWeen this year, except the Barbie Twins who were there when Nerdia dragged me to another competition this spring: Nutts for Mutts. I don't know what my final vote tally was for BowWowWeen but I'm sure it wasn't helped by the fact that I followed the biggest competition of the day: the eventual event winner - a little scrap of a dog dressed up like a sushi chef. His costume came complete with sushi hut, sushi tray and sushi menu. He even had a little sushi bandana on. The crowd went wild. Then the MC said, "and here comes a bucket of chicken!"
Next year, I'm going to dress up Coolia and Nerdia like Dave Thomas and Ronald McDonald and we'll see how they like it
More pictures of this year's fiasco:
http://picasaweb.google.com/wiskyjulie/Halloween
Last year's melodrama:
http://www.apeculture.com/television/hugsgram2.htm
Sunday, October 08, 2006
Return to Reason
For the love of God, if I could somehow learn how to paw the damn remote. For six hours Nerdia and her bf, my bff&e, and I watched a vapid 1983 Australian mini-series called Return to Eden. I tried to distract them with toys and head-butts to no avail. Our heroine-without- a-personality, Stephanie Harper (who becomes Tara Wells after a temporary memory loss and near death experience), was a heiress with children who marries a pompous tennis star for her money and her best friend. The plot takes an interesting turn when the tennis star throws Steffy into a river full of crocodiles. Inexplicably, the heiress survives and is nursed to health by an outback loner we never see again and by a plastic surgeon who falls in love with her, scars and all. He isn't even bothered by her lack of personality. He remakes her into a beauty and confesses undying love for her. She leaves him and moves back to town deciding to become a super-model in a strange plot for revenge against her husband and husband-stealing friend. At this point, I'm licking my balls because she doesn't even make an effort to find her kids and tell them she's okay. She doesn't even go to the police! It's all part of her nefarious plan. She becomes a huge success. Meanwhile, the tennis star finds out he will not get access to the family fortune for seven years and his relationship deteriorates with the friend because she turns into a sloppy drunk out of guilt or boredom, I'm just a dog and can't connect the dots here. I found myself lying listless on the sofa, yearning for someone there to get a clue and turn the channel. Part of Stephanie's looney plan was to make her tennis star husband re-fall in love with her as Tara Wells so she can string him along. Hours later, the tennis star confesses to Tara that he never loved Stephanie. And Stephanie/Tara appears suddenly hurt. As if being thrown to crocodiles wasn't a big enough clue. Meanwhile, the plastic surgeon from the island keeps coming back and pledging undying love for her. She rebuffs him for some reason unknown to dogs and man and he starts stalking her. I'm creeped out by the whole cast at this point. The payoff, when Stephanie unveils her true identity, is truly anticlimactic. The tennis star decides to rekill her. The sloppy drunk runs around the ranch like a headless chicken and no one behaves with any kind of conviction. I could have done a better job on this convoluted, senseless script. Nerdia and her bf, my bff&f, thought parts were hilariously over-dramatic and they kept humming the ridiculous Falcon-Crest like theme song all night. In the end, my bff&e said all the characters seemed to be in their own mini-series with a myriad of non-connecting character arcs. He only kept watching to figure out Stephanie's hidden scheme. I did enjoy the special feature interview with Aussie pop frontman of The Australian Crawl, Janes Ryene, who played the tennis snob. He seemed to have a sense of humor about the whole thing. In retrospect, he did a great job in his first acting job. But was it worth six hours of my short furry life? Hardly. Once Nerdia and her bf, my bff&e, had the gall to fall asleep with the TV on. I had a dream I was a model with poofy hair and puffy dog-shirt sleeves.
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
Edgar - Dlisted.com's Hot Slut of the Day
Hello dear fans,
I am pleased to share some exciting news with you. Today I was named "Hot Slut of the Day" by dlisted.com. This is quite an honor, so I have prepared a brief speech.
Firstly, I would like to thank God, even though some would say he did not give me a soul. Secondly, I'd like to thank dlisted.com, my favorite celeb gossip site that has taught me to stay away from skanks like "Parasite Hilton" (no, I would not hit it). Thirdly, I have to thank Coolia and Nerdia for winning me on Who Gets the Dog and giving me a web platform. Of course, none of this would have been possible if the Who Gets the Dog producers hadn't plucked me from the friendly care of Perfect Pet Rescue, and if Perfect Pet Rescue hadn't nabbed me from the streets of Compton (West Siyeede!). And finally, I have to thank all of you, my wonderful fans, who I hope will continue to vote for me once per day until Sept 4 so that I can be the new spokesdog for Lassie Natural Way dog food. I'm currently in 2nd place and climbing fast!
Love,
Edgar
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Vote for Me! Make Me a Cover Boy!
Hello fans, I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I have been busy trying to get an agent and continue my 15 minutes of fame that began in Fall 2004 with my appearance on Animal Planet's Who Gets the Dog. Since then I've had a few brushes with fame in Nuts for Mutts dog shows, but no real break. Now's my chance...and you can help! I am competing to be the new spokesmodel for Lassie Natural Way dog food. I would get to be on a TV commercial (please dont make me run from a chuck wagon...it's so undignified) and be on the dog food bag! All you need to do is follow this link and vote for me. You can vote once a day until the contest ends on Aug 21. Please make my dream a reality!
Monday, May 08, 2006
Albino Dog Urges Boycott of The Da Vinci Code
As many of you know, I am a pigment-challenged pooch, and I am writing to implore you not to see The Da Vinci Code. If the fact that Ron Howard directed it and the likelihood of your having to endure a a cameo performance by Clint "The Ice Cream Man" Howard weren't reasons enough to stay away, there is also the presence of Tom Hanks with a very unflattering haircut. If the Catholic Church would acknowledge I had a soul, I would urge boycotting based on the film's negative portrayal of Catholics. But the real reason I don't want you to see the movie is that it features a villainous albino monk and thus furthers the stereotype of "The Evil Albino". My fellow albinos and I are fed up with all these negative images of albinos in the movies., thus we are organizing a Dan Brown Boycott. Powder is not enough. I would recommend you view The Albino Code as an alternative. And pray for Clint Howard!
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Puppy Bowl II
Today I found myself transfixed by Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl II. Maybe it was the cheesy bites, bits of Pizza Hut's newest crust innovation, that Coolia and Nerdia tossed my way that put me in a sedated state, but the puppy blitzing had me in a trance. I could have watched all 6 hours of the action, but Coolia kept turning the channel back to that other game so she could watch her Notre Dame classmate Jerome try to finally win the big game. I know I missed some key puppy plays. Especially enjoyable was the "bowl cam", a view from the bottom of a drinking bowl at lapping pups. This was much more entertaining to me than John Madden drawing Xs and Os on the screen. I found myself getting a little wistful, thinking back to a year ago around this time when I made my Animal Planet debut. Now I'm too old to qualify for the Puppy Bowl. I guess they think you can't teach an old dog a gadget play like a reverse halfback pass.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Edgar at the Movies: Transamerica
Coolia snuck me into the theater along with some sweet tarts to see Transamerica. I found myself relating quite a bit to the main character, Bree, who undergoes a sex change operation. However, Bree really desparately wants the operation, whereas I had no idea what was going on. All I remember is I was on a cold slab and then when I woke up my balls were gone. But, this review isn't about me. The basic story involves Bree, a male-to-female transsexual, who receives a phone call from a troubled teen who claims to be her son. With horror, she realizes the boy must have been conceived during one awkward college sexual encounter she had with a woman. Bree's therapist won't allow her to have her sex reassignment surgery until she meets the boy, so Bree travels to New York to bail him out of jail. She then takes him on a cross country trip, letting him believe she's a Christian do-gooder rather than his father. This is kind of mean, sort of like when Coolia and Nerdia fake throwing the ball and I run for it and they laugh. Felicity Huffman is a revelation as Bree - completely convincing, strong yet sad. The roadtrip meanders too long but the scenes with Bree's parents really come alive. As much as I like car rides, this one becomes a bit tedious - maybe because it goes for laughs at the expense of some of the heavier themes it brings up. In the end, I felt it lacked the gravitas of My Dog Skip. Attention Hollywood producers - a similar movie about me could be called My Dog, Snipped.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Barry Manilow Appreciation Night
Coolia and Nerdia held a "Barry Manilow Appreciation Night" yesterday, and they forced me to wear this hideous sweater because, as Nerdia said, "Barry likes sweaters." I didn't mind too much, because some new people came to the house and I got to lick them. They made theme food for the occasion, such as "Weekend in New England" clam chowder, "It's a Miracle" Whip Apple Slaw, and "Looks Like We Made It" cheese ball. I can't vouch for the quality of these recipes, but I did enjoy sampling the KFC, which was on the menu because Barry wrote a jingle for it many moons ago. Everyone sat around the TV mesmerized during the evening's main event - a rare screening of Barry's 1985 TV movie, Copacabana. Despite my attempts, I could not get people to pay attention to me, as they stared at the screen with mouths agape, wondering how a movie could have no redeeming qualities. They laughed a lot when Barry's character Tony talked about fighting at Iwo Jima. Afterwards, some referred to the movie as "a dog!" I took personal offense at this comment. I was glad when the party was over, and I could take the sweater off. What do you think - does it make me look as thin as Barry?