Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Growing Up Gotti - 10/17/05

Coolia thinks I should understand life's harsh realities. She's always saying things like "milk bones don't grow on trees" and "your poop doesn't pick itself up." So, she forced me to confront my own mortality and watch this week's Growing Up Gotti in which Victoria's beloved pooch, Sebastian Gotti, crossed over the rainbow bridge. I felt sad for Sebastian, but really he wasn't a proper dog. They said he was a "teacup maltese". That is sure a long way from the wolf. Maybe dogs weren't meant to be that tiny? Or maybe too many carbs did him in? I bet he ate a lot of pasta that dropped to the floor. Victoria wanted to give Sebastian a grand burial, so she spent $285 on a casket and vault and then made Luigi dig a hole in the front yard. The ground was hard but I think I could have done a better job with my paws than Luigi did with the shovel. Victoria then brought in some of Frankie's friends who claimed to be professional gravediggers (Coolia told me that knowing people like that is considered networking in the Gotti world). They dug a hole that only appeared to be slightly deeper than Luigi's hole, however they did complete some lovely landscaping and installed a pond by the grave. Meanwhile, Carmine, John, and Robert went to get tattoos supposedly to honor Sebastian. Robert ended up getting one for his parents and I never saw what John got, but Carmine did get the initials SG on his chest and a "Jesus head" on his arm. Carmine had to repeat "Jesus head" about 3 times to get Victoria to understand what he was saying when she asked what tattoo he got. Coolia can understand my barking better than Victoria can understand her own son. He got subtitled in every scene due to his unintelligible speech. It appeared the boys got their tattoos for free because the tattoo artists shooed them away with the comment: "Your father never took any money from the neighborhood." I wish I could get that kind of deal. I'd get a "Lassie head" on my rear.

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