Rock of Love Finale: Manic Panic defeats Aquanet

Well, Rock of Love, aka The White Trash Flavor of Love, came to end on Sunday, leaving me with one less embarrassing season pass on my tivo.

I was excited for this show because I'm a Poison fan, and I've always thought Bret was cute, even if all the hard livin' is starting to take its toll on his face. I was also excited by the possibility that we'd finally learn if Bret was bald or not - he's been hiding under those doo rags and cowboy hats for like 15 years now. I figured the hat would fall off during some passionate groupie encounter, but alas the hat only came off in carefully constructed scenes, and the hair looked like it could have been a wig (no discernible part and much fuller than it looked when he had hats on).

Much of this show was hard to watch, as it followed the usual reality mating show pattern where the girls are pitted against each other (virgins vs whores, as usual) and given lots of alcohol to stir up the drama and up the nudity. The machinations of the show and its editing were always apparent, especially in the inexplicable way that Lacey stuck around to nearly the end, when it was clear she was insane, diabolical, and not even attractive. I'm sure the producers told Bret to keep her in the house to stir the pot and make good TV.

In this week's finale, Bret had to make his final choice between Heather, the huge-haired, big-titted stripper without the heart of gold, and Jes, the very pretty but very young pink-haired pseudo-innocent. I was pretty sure he'd go with Jes, as he had seemed drawn to her from the get-go, but you never know if a fear of change might make him choose Heather, who appeared to have amassed her wardrobe from a Tawny Kitaen yard sale.

Bret took the gals to Cabo and spent 24 hours with each. Heather lost points on her date for appearing insensitive to Bret's diabetes (which Bret himself appears insensitive to, given his binge drinking). When they were in a dune buggy, Bret said he didnt feel well and wanted to eat. Heather looked at him blankly and replied that she wanted to drive, thus risking his life for a cheap thrill. Then Heather gained points back by declaring her love for him over dinner and then boinking him (or so it appeared).

The more sensitive Jes cried when Bret explained to her how to give him a shot in case he went into diabetic shock, and she made steps toward breaking down her wall, which Bret had feared she wouldn't be able to do. She also made out with him quite a bit and spent the night with him.

When it came time for the choice, Bret came up with a true rock star proposal: he asked the gals if they would both be his girlfriend. Heather looked pissed off but said "sure" without much hesitation. Jes refused and said she didn't have it in her. Bret picked Jes and Heather left without another word to him, and then she spewed a bunch of hatred in the limo as she was whisked away.

I predict Rock of Love II will be on the horizon, as I don't see Bret and Jes sticking it out for the long haul. She's sweet but probably too sensitive to deal with the rock star lifestyle, and the age and experience difference is about as big as the gap between C. C. Deville's ego and his ability.

For the record, Heather is claiming on her myspace blog that she was violated by editing and that she never said she'd share Bret. She does not, however, admit that her hairstyles were the works of visual effects artists.