Joe the Plumber - Real Horrorshow

This past Thursday, Nerdia, C. Crumpet Swank, and myself attended a Lucio Fulci horror film marathon sponsored by The Cinefamily at the Silent Movie Theater. Fulci's Italian horror movies are cult classics. We skipped the first movie Zombie, but we loved the second film Gates of Hell. It was packed with laughs due to the bad dubbing/strange dialogue and packed with stomach-churning, squirm-inducing moments of indescribable gore (such as the girl who vomited up all her internal organs). But nothing could have prepared us for the sheer election-related horrors of the night's final film - The Beyond.

The plot of The Beyond involves a woman who inherits a dilapidated motel in Louisiana. Wouldn't you know it - there's a gateway to hell in the basement of the motel. Geez, there sure seem to be a lot of those gateways. The movie has some great gory moments but is most notable for its eerie references to the election. Firstly, there's a character named John McCabe. Next, when the basement is flooded, help is called. A truck arrives labeled "Joe's Plumbing." Joe investigates the bathroom flood only to find some sort of demon who kills him. Then folks in the cast wonder aloud, "Where did Joe the Plumber go?" Watch Joe's grisly demise on YouTube.



Finally, the film opens with a flashback to townsfolk pulling a suspected warlock out of Room 36. They take him to the basement, where they beat him with chains, crucify him, then throw acid on him. There are several shots in the film of the cursed room 36. John McCain was born in 1936. Coincidence? The stuff nightmares are made of? Let's hope our national nightmare ends on Tuesday. Go Barack the vote!