It's been a rough week for LA and the rest of the celebrity-worshipping world. Thursday morning brought the news that Farrah Fawcett had succumbed to cancer. I was really sad to hear this, although after having watched her documentary, it was clear she wasn't getting better. I grew up as a fan of Charlie's Angels and admired Farrah's performance in The Burning Bed, but I didn't really pay much attention to her until she got sick. I was then really impressed by her brave fight against cancer. It takes guts when you are a woman whose livelihood is based on looks to show yourself looking your worst. I know she will remain an inspiration to many, and she has definitely raised the awareness of anal cancer and cancer in general. If it can happen to Farrah, it can happen to any of us.
Thursday afternoon, poor Farrah was quickly eclipsed by the news that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. TMZ reported he was dead. Legit news sites were just saying he was at the ER. Who to believe? Facebook and Twitter nearly collapsed under the avalanche of posting. We got nothing done at work discussing the drama. And then the surreal news that Michael was indeed dead came across the legit newswire.
I've never been a fan, not even when I was 10 years old and Thriller came out and all the other kids were wearing zipper jackets and one glove. I never bought the album. I don't dispute he's a musical genius, but his music wasn't really my bag. It's tough to make a saint out of someone who may have been a pedophile. Of course we will never know the truth, but there was certainly a lot of shady behavior and eccentricities. Still, my sympathy goes out to his children and family. This is definitely a loss to pop culture on the level of Elvis.
Some people seem surprised at the hysteria going on in the wake of Michael's death. We at Ape Culture are not surprised. We've been dealing with his hysterical fans for years. You see, they have taken umbrage over basically any article we've written that has been even slightly critical of Michael. And their hatemail attacks have often been vicious and personal. His fans are a breed apart. They have called us ugly and wished cancer on us. After a while, we were receiving so much hate mail from MJ fans, we decided to make it easy for them by creating the Michael Jackson Mad-as-Hell-Lib which automatically generates a hate mail.
Here is a representative example of the emails we received over the years (spelling errors left intact):
OK I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS FOR DOING THIS! MICHAEL IS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE ROCKS MY WORLD. STOP INSULTING HIM LIKE THAT! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF HE DID THAT TO YOU? I THINK YOU GUYS ARE JELEOUS BECAUSE HE HAS MONEY! AND AS FOR HIS LOOKS, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE FROM HIS SONG "PRIVACY"? HE WAS ALWAYS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE!!! HE IS A NICE, CARING, HELPING MAN. AND THATS ONLY THE FEW OF THE WORDS I CAN DESCRIBE HIM WITH. ANYWAYS ITS NOT LIKE YOU GUYS ARE REALLY BEAUTIFUL YOURSELVES THAT YOU DO THIS TO HIM!! I THINK YOU BETTER WRITE TO HIM AND APOLOGIZE!!! HE IS GREAT. I'M SORRY BUT I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. ANYWAYS YOU PEOPLE BETTER GET A LIFE, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE! (OVIOUSLY) I DON'T GET IT WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU???? ANYWAYS IM GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY.ONCE MORE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, GET A LIFE, MORONS!!!!!!!!!
We currently have 173 such comments on the site. You can read them all here.
So if you are hoping the hysteria will die down soon and we can just remember the music, think again. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.
For the Ape Culture perspective on Michael through the years, check out:
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Getting Over the Michael Jackson Documentary
Be Michael in our Michael Jackson Choose-Your-Own-Celebrity-Adventure
A review of Michael's 30th Anniversary Television Special
Ape Culture Cares About Celebrities on Hard Times: The Oompa Loompa Clinic for Celebrities Suddenly Gone Wack
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Deaths of a King and an Angel
Monday, June 08, 2009
I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: Demons Were Coming Out of Me!
I really don't know where to begin.
When I heard that Sanjaya, Speidi, and Janice Dickinson were all going to be on this show, I knew I would be wasting time and brain cells on it.
My mind is just boggling at the religious conversion of Heidi and Spencer. I've watched most of The Hills, and I've never seen Heidi talk about her faith, other than wanting to get married in a church. I've seen her invoke Jesus on TMZ a few times, but usually she was praying to Jesus to get a record deal or something similar, with her tongue firmly implanted in her cheek (sorry, couldnt help putting "Heidi" and "implanted" in the same sentence). Now all of a sudden she is professing she wants to be the next Mother Theresa. Does she realize she would have to wear the same outfit everyday? She said her life's purpose is to do Jesus' will and He will make her His instrument. Hmm, somehow I don't think Jesus' big plan for her involves working for SBE and planning big parties.
Then we got to see Spencer baptized by Stephen Baldwin. And Heidi and Spencer spent a "dark night of the soul" in The Lost Chamber. This was the test they had to endure to be allowed back on the show. They prayed the whole time and Spencer had visions. Stephen Baldwin thinks Spencer's conversion is real, but the rest of the cast seems to have doubts. Yeah, I'm a Doubting Thomas about this, too.
Janice Dickinson is starting to look like the Cat Woman because she's had so much work. It's actually hard to look at most of the celebrities without makeup. Janice and Sanyaya have developed an odd bond.
Who's coming off the best? Well, John Salley has been pretty fun and stable, but he did go a bit far in name-calling with Janice. He had the classic line, "If Janice was on fire, I wouldn't pee on her." Frangela had some funny moments, but they mostly just laid around on their cots. Lou Diamond Phillips is strong but kinda boring. Patty Blagojevich is surprisingly normal.
Amazingly, I'd say Sanjaya is coming off the best. He has thrown himself in with gusto, cut his fauxhawk into a real mohawk, and embraced his primal self. He's eaten bugs and bull testicles. He's even been nurturing to Janice. Now Heidi may be aspiring to be a saint, but I think that act shows Sanjaya already is one.