Butt-Sniffing Celebrities

I had another celebrity sighting a week or so ago while summering in my vacation beach house in Venice. Ed Helms or somebody who looks like Ed Helms (not sure…I’m short and couldn’t get a good look-see) discussed me in front of my Auntie Nerdia.

I was out doing my morning constitutional when this person or person-look-a-like came up to a car parked near us and asked Nerdia what I was (I get that a lot), then said I was wirey but cute (I also get that a lot). I never know how to take that; but seeing as it came out of the mouth of a possible celebrity, I guess I can give him the benefit of the doubt. However, unlike Sherrif Lee Backa in LA, I am not partial to show people. The grandfather of Ed Helms never contributed to my welfare in any way. I got no two-day reprieve when I was stuck in an LA dog jail, waiting to be rescued by Perfect Pets. So I’m no LA celeb-snob butt-sniffer by nature…although that is the nature of my species.

Ed plays Andy in The Office (US version). Nerdia and Coolia watch The Office and sometimes I look on. Ed was funny…especially that time he was floating down the lake in a psudo-fat wrestling outfit…yeah, that was funny. Nerdia kept rewinding it.

But honestly, watching a piece of furniture is just not my thang, you know. (One of my favorite writers, David Foster Wallace wrote about that once.) I'd rather be out sniffing dog-butt. That's where the real theater is.

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American Idol - Not Enough Heaven

Melinda Doolittle - "Love You Inside Out" / "How Can You Mend a Broken Heart"

Coolia: Like Paula I don't have much more to say about Melinda - but that's because she bores me. I was impressed with the big note/big finish on the 2nd song. But I still don't get much of a sense of who she is or what her personality is like. I'm predicting her to go tomorrow night in an upset. I'm probably wrong, but I just can't picture people being motivated to dial the phone over and over for her. Oh, and Melinda we don't believe you when you say your first music purchase was a tape. We know it was a 78.
Nerdia: LOL! We poured over that fact about the Bad tape. But alas, I think she's too clever for us! My watching-buddy said "another telathon performance from Melinda." I really didn't like her song choices.
Terry:A Gloria Gayner type of take on song one. Good but not great. A very nice Aretha Frankliin type of take (gospel disco...a whole new genre). Very good overall.
Deb: Great vocals but there was an awful lot of background singing going on. I lost her a couple of times. Not a great song choice and the overall performance was....meh...for me. (I did like her hair though...suited her nicely). Better song choice on the second. She still sounded "background" as Simon put it. At this point I started writing about how bored I was....UNTIL she went BIG! I LOVE BIG! She has great "feeling" when singing. She got my attention tonight....it's been awhile since she's been able to do that.

Blake Lewis - "You Should Be Dancing" / "This is Where I Came In"

Coolia: I was disappointed by my man Blake tonight. There were so many great songs he could have done: "Nights on Broadway," "Tragedy", "Jive Talking", "How Deep Is Your Love". Why did he have to pick one nobody had heard of, and why did he beat box on both songs? I thought the first song was kind of fun, but the beat box portion made me think of that guy who used to do sound effects in the Police Academy movies. The 2nd one was just weird to me. I still voted for him because he keeps it interesting to me.
Nerdia: He sang "You Should Be Dancing" too slow. It was weird. It was like Disco was too fast for him. I only liked his vocal impersonations of machine effects, which still impress me. But not enough to give him the title.
Terry: First song actually making disco hip again. I didn't love it but I did like it. Second - definitely a modern hipped up take which I totally dig about this dude...but, it's still a boring song. And the judges are now pissing me off. First they tell him to tone down the beatboxing, then they applaud him for doing it, and now they're telling him he shouldn't be doing it. I respect his staying true to himself just as I did with Chris Daughtry last year.
Deb: Did NOT like this from the start. The echo was annoying and made his words hard to understand. The one short non-singing-beat-boxing part was the only enjoyable moment. HATED the ya-ah-ah-ah-ah....UGH hated that. Wow he wasawful tonight. His look is bad (did they do that on purpose?)

Lakisha Jones - "Stayin' Alive" / "Run to Me"

Coolia: Lakisha too missed a big opportunity tonight, and she's in danger of going home. It was a strange choice to slow down the first song. I think she was trying to turn it into an "I'm a survivor" type anthem. I don't think she should have gone sleeveless in both outfits. The dress looked good, but the first outfit reminded me of a costume from a high school production of Alice and Wonderland, as if she was a chorus girl in a mad hatter tea party scene. Her 2nd song was good, even if her voice did give out at the end.
Nerdia: "Stayin Alive" is only good for a movie opening, not for a live show. Run to Me sounds like crap when anybody sings it.
Terry: I expected more based on the rehearsal footage and Barry's glee, so this was very disappointing.
Deb: She just doesn't have that oomph on the lower ranges and it lacks something. I liked this arragement and she had really good vocals. She was better than Blake. Helllloooooo cleavage! I loved her "shouting" this time. That's what got my attention in the beginning. Please tell me WHY she shut it down at the end. She should have ended on a bigger note, I felt like my baloon had deflated. I think she could have nailed this one all the way in; instead she only got in half way.

Jordin - "To Love Somebody" / "Run to Me"

Coolia: Jordin was the only one to have two good song choices, even if she did falter a bit on the 2nd one. She showed why she'll likely win on the first one - powerful, emotional, and she looked beautiful. Sometimes she overdoes it on the runs, and I get bored.
Nerdia: Jordan handles it. F-ing brilliant to pick the Barbra album Barry Gibb songs. Why didn't anybody else do that? "What Kind of Fool," "The Love Inside," "Guilty."
Terry: Song one - Barry Gibb loved it...and so did I! (and this is one of my favorite of their songs). Second song - Perfect? No. Very darn good? Damn skippy! Perhaps a bit too by the book and missing any personal touches from her, but still very very good. Considering both performances of each contestant I think Jordin won this hands down.
Deb: GREAT song choice. This is what these girls have, big vocals, R & B typevocalst. She needed more of the "big" but she is great in my book. If it wasn'tobvious to you all, she's my choice hands down to win this (I hope)!!! [Second song] I felt another great song choice.....until I heard it all the way through. I wanted SO bad to be blown away by herperformance (specially after Barry's amazing words) but I was letdown. It sounded sharp in some parts and just didn't showcase heramazing talents. Ugh, it should have been so much better. I stilllove her though.

Mentor - Barry Gibb

Coolia: Barry seemed to be interested in the kids and made some good comments. He seemed to show some favoritism toward Jordin. He was at least open to different interpretations of his song, unlike some judges.
Nerdia: I could not get past the sounds he was making with his mouth. Sounded like bad dentures.
Terry: Barry Gibb didn't offer a lot, but I am now very much questioning whether that's actually the case or if the Producers have, for some money-grubbing reason (and those are the only ones they have), cut back on showing more of the mentor's comments. Barry gave more than some (too many shills recently) but not as much as others (the other Barry still rules the roost!).
Deb: Barry seemed to be a good help to the group (except Blake).

Predictions

Coolia: Going home - Melinda, 3rd place - Lakisha, 2nd place - Blake, 1st place - Jordin
Terry: Going home - Lakisha, 3rd - Blake, 2nd - Melinda, 1st - Jordin
Deb: Tonight it's a tie between Jordin and Melinda with Lakisha a very close third. Blake is so far down below them it's hard to even see him. PLEASE let America get it right and reward the girls their due (since a girl can't buy a win on Surivor). Let these 3 divas belt it out for the win!!!

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American Idol: Between Rock and a Hard Place

Performances


Phil Stacey - "Blaze of Glory"

Coolia: This was a rousing start to the show. I was surprised by how good Phil was tonight. His voice was strong, and he seemed confident. However, there was still something robotic about him, and I couldn't get too excited. I can't picture him rocking a stadium.
Nerdia: So this is what Phil sings well.


Jordin Sparks - "Living on a Prayer"

Coolia: I had been hoping Blake would get this song as I thought it was ripe for his sound effects. Instead, Jordin took it and really struggled. I expected more from our lil' 80s music fan. The song was too big for her, but she did have a strong finish, and I think she has enough fans to stick around. Definitely the worst performance of the night.
Nerdia: Three minutes of strugglen and anguish. Her best performance: listening to all that criticism.


Lakisha Jones - "This Aint a Love Song"

Coolia: I actually yelled out "Lakisha is back!" before Randy did. I really loved this - my favorite of the night. I like that she picked a less popular song and one that really suited her. The outfit, however, created a sausage effect, and it's never good to invite comparison to Mandisa's jeans.
Nerdia: Was this woman sawed in half before the show??? Horrible outfit. Loved the song. The performance tripped in the beginning but ended with the Lakisha we started with early this season. It was like someone pumped some life and attitude back into her.


Blake Lewis - "You Give Love a Bad Name"

Coolia: I think Jon Bon Jovi hated Blake's spin, but I thought it was fun. Blake has taken "you made it your own" to the extreme. I don't think Paula will ever be able to use that old chestnut on any future contestant. I also liked his new darker hair. Even as he fooled around with the song, he sang the choruses straight, proving he can sing. This was like Max Headroom collaborating with Art of Noise all over again - just plain cool.
Nerdia: I agree...Bon Jovi didn't seem all that happy that some young upstart was messing with a song America doesn't want messed with - or some such silly thing he said. Get over yourself. Blake=brilliant.


Chris Richardson - "Wanted Dead or Alive"

Coolia: I expected Chris to fail with tonight's theme, but he came through with my favorite performance of his. I am probably swayed by my love for the source material, but I thought Chris gave a sassy, passionate performance. However, he'll still probably be going home.
Nerdia: I was bored.


Melinda Doolittle - "Have a Nice Day"

Coolia: Bon Jovi advised her to put some church into it, and she did, shouting her way through the whole thing as if trying to keep a congregation awake. She looked hotter than usual, and I liked her attitude, but too much screaming. She seemed to want to turn it into a Heart song.
Nerdia: A complete faker. We got the old Gomer Pyle "Gollleee I can't sing rock" and then she powerhouse rocked it. Shameless. Utterly shameless. The whole "I'm a good church girl" bit is ridiculous, too. This one would slit your throat in an alley if it meant winning American Idol.


Guest Judge - Jon Bon Jovi

Coolia: Jon may not have contributed major insights, but I will always enjoy looking at him.
Nerdia: LOL


Predictions

Coolia: It's a tough call, but I think Phil and Chris are going home, Lakisha and Jordin will be in the middle, and Blake and Melinda on top.
Nerdia: I'm guessing Jordan and Chris.

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War on Terror - the Boardgame - the Tournament!

Come on over to Meltdown for War on Terror The Boardgame, the Tournament!! It's Saturday and Sunday, April 28 & 29, any time from 11am to 5pm, either or both days!

Registration now open!

Regardless of where you fall politically, War on Terror the Boardgame is the game you've been waiting for...now you can bomb other villiages, towns, cities, countries, and empires into complete submission in an act of ironic detatchment or bloodlusting craze. If you like RISK and Monopoly, this is a game that combines the best of each, then adds WMDs, Suicide Bombers, Dirty Bombs, Nuclear Weapons and a ski mask with the word "Evil" stitched across the forehead. One spin of the Axis of Evil, and you know you're in for quality entertainment. Fund and fight terrorism (often simultaneously), use Weapons Inspectors, Nuclear Bunkers, and clean up radioactive areas, all in one turn. Stop second guessing your leaders and finally answer that question: "If I were trying to fight a war on the most dangerous abstract noun known to man, how would I do it?"

It's all happening this weekend at Meltdown at 7522 Sunset Blvd in Hollywood. I'll be there all day Saturday, getting my war on.

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American Idol - Belting for Charity

Chris Richardson - "Change the World"

Coolia: This was a good song choice for Chris. It didn't require him to stretch at all, but he delivered a smooth, pleasant vocal. He also managed to put a bit of an R&B spin on it.
Deb: I only liked the chorus parts. It sounded shakey and akward in the beginning. I really didn't get the judges praise on this one. It was OK at best. (but he's still really cute)
Nerdia: Good boy band rendition. He sang good.


Melinda Doolittle - "There Will Come a Day"

Coolia: Melinda looked pretty - nice dress. As usual, she delivered a powerful vocal without flaws as far as I could tell. She gave the song a true gospel vibe. I still can't get excited over her though.
Deb: Yes...she was really good. I'm bored.
Nerdia: Well, I actually liked it. She might be best suited for gospel. Liked the song a lot. My bf said 'another Jerry Lewis Telathon performance from Melinda.'


Blake Lewis - "Imagine"

Coolia: Blake has some cojones to take on this signature John Lennon tune. I thought this was a really heartfelt performance. His jacket, however, looked like it may have come from a garage sale at Simon Le Bon's place.
Deb: Again, didn't like the beginning, it seemed flat. It was OK vocally (is this risidual) but I'm still bored. He was still and dull.
Nerdia: He always Morrissey's everything. Ordinary. Flat. Simon, how can you sing this song insincerely? It's got sincerity built in.


Lakisha Jones - "I Believe"

Coolia: I'm so frustrated with Lakisha. I can't imagine why she would choose to do Fantasia's Idol-winning single. It came across to me like she was trying to prove she was better than Fantasia, and she didn't prove it. She delivered a strong performance, and I liked her black dress, but there was no getting past that horrific song choice.
Deb: Wow, ambitious choice. It was slow to start...even some dead spots. She has great vocals, but she lacks the "life" and emotion Fantasia brought to the song. I think it was a mistake for a song choice (as there are bound to be comparisons) but overall she still sounded strong.
Nerdia: I miss Fantasia; I really do.


Phil Stacey - "The Change"

Coolia: Phil delivered another strong vocal, but I caught myself yawning.
Deb: I so liked the beginning I paused it and moved to sit closer. I listened..and REALLY liked. I replayed it 2 more times. I think (know) this was by FAR his best in this whole competition. His voice was really good and he showed emotion. Sure he doesn't rock the "bald" as well as some men, but he still sounded great. I WILL vote. He deserves to stay another week.
Nerdia: I expected this guy to be voted off MONTHS ago.


Jordin Sparks - "You'll Never Walk Alone"

Coolia: Jordin picked a really difficult song and did it proud. She looked great and belted like an Idol. I thought it was a little shrill in spots, but overall, still great.
Deb: I KNEW I would love this so I sat close and listened (through others' performances I'll be in the kitchen doing something or moving around). She moved me. I loved loved loved it. She looked stunning and sounded amazing and seemed to put everything into it, including her emotions. These are the kinds of performances I really look forward to on this show. I will vote vote vote vote and vote some more for her.
Nerdia: Still Disnified and really, this was a Jerry Lewis Telathon standard...but she did great. I think she's really started to shine.


Predictions

Coolia: Lakisha goes home, with Phil and Chris in the bottom 3.
Deb: I think Blake, Chris, and Lakisha deserve to be the bottom 3.
Nerdia: Blake, Lakisha, Chris

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American Idol - Nasally Night

Performances

Phil Stacey - "Where the Blacktop Ends"

Coolia: Here was Phil's chance to wear a cowboy hat, and he passed it up. I didn't think he showed much energy, but it was a good song for his voice and he delivered a solid vocal. Still, I was surprised by the praise he raked in.
Deb: He sounded good, but seemed really stiff. He lacks "life" (poor guy). I liked his audience interaction, that helped. Vocally, a good performance, overall package deal...was missing parts.
Nerdia: Moderately better than usual but I always want to turn the channel or start reading when he's on TV.


Jordin Sparks - "A Broken Wing"

Coolia: Bold Jordan sings one of Martina's song. I predicted she would be the best of the night, and I think she was. She delivered a solid vocal and conveyed the meaning of the song. Big praise from Simon who says he can finally picture her winning. Unfortunately, she appeared to be draped in a shower curtain.
Deb: WOW!!!! Just wow. I almost cried. She made it seem effortless. She looked amazing and sounded incredible. I can't say enough about her after tonight's performance. Took my breath away. I would buy a CD she made right now.
Nerdia: I think this was Jordan's best night. I really felt the passion in her voice and the joy that she was really nailing it at the end.


Sanjaya Malakar - "Let's Give Them Something to Talk About"

Coolia: Kudos to Sanjaya for picking a humorously appropriate song with a title that really suited him. But the praise stops there. It was a dreadful vocal. He was as flat as pre-implant Kellie Pickler.
Deb: I don't even like to hear him talk much less sing. He looked like a little boy who got into his big brother's closet. He was boring and sounded bad.
Nerdia: I believe Sanjaya jumped the shark this week. That was just baaad. His worst and he looked so confident during the whole wretched thing which ruined it for me. I think I might have to get off the Sanjaya train here and not just because I got scolded for liking him by Simon. America can do what we want, Simon. Piss off! Sanjaya sings like he's a little....errr....slow.


Lakisha Jones - "Jesus Take the Wheel"

Coolia: I actually thought she did a good job on this song and gave it more oomph than Carrie could. I could feel emotion in her performance. She was also the only contestant to try to dress a little country while still putting forth her own style (gold boots!). But the judges ripped her a new one, and I think she may go home.
Deb: Ouch. She wasn't even close to being as good with that song as Carrie Underwood was. Eeks, I was uncomfortable listening. It seemed forced and just sounded weird to me. Bad song choice. Her
dress was pretty (I guess I should have started with that huh?).
Nerdia: I don't think it was a bad song choice at all; but I do think she shouted through it as the judges said. This competition was hers to lose. And she lost it for herself. Not just with this performance either. I mean I'm not Carrie Underwood fan but her version was better.


Chris Richardson - "Mayberry"

Coolia: I thought this was a fun song, and I think Chris has a good voice for country and did a nice job with his vocal inflections. It was a little boring. He loses points for his inane sassing back to Simon: "Nasally is a form of singing." Expect this on future SAT tests - Nasally: Singing as Ponyhawk: Hairstyle.
Deb: I don't know the song. Makes this one more interesting, can he make me like it? I'm not sure how I feel. He's so cute (uh oh). Nope, didn't like it. He sounds exactly the same on all his songs, no matter what the genre. Bad song choice and seemed like a vocal struggle for him.
Nerdia: I thought this song was a mess...all over the place. Then Chris got pissy with Simon (his tone more than his words, which were ridiculous). And THEN in the middle of the arguement he threw that shout out to Virginia Tech victims! That left a really bad taste in my mouth. It was like he used that to bail out of the pissing match he started. My boyfriend and I looked at each other like WTF?

Melinda Doolittle - "Trouble is a Woman"

Coolia: The usual spirited delivery from Melinda, and I liked the song choice. She seemed to be having fun up there. Kudos to Simon for calling her on her fake surprise face.
Deb: Goodness...is she still "shy"? Okay I think I've figured out my fascination with Melinda....I think her body is actually too small for her head and her breasts...that's all I saw when she was singing. Sounded really good (of course). Sorry to all the fans, I really am totally over her. I was gonna make an age-related comment, but I don't think I'd really be into her if she were younger either. Loved Simon's comments about her giving up her "surprise" when he gives his positive feedback....perfect.
Nerdia: Thank you Simon for calling out Gomer Pyle! I actually thought Melinda looked younger this week with the hair extensions. She still has an old brow. She stood out in the crowd tonight for not sucking, though.


Blake Lewis - "When the Stars Go Blue"

Coolia: Blake just has a really warm voice, in my opinion. I could listen to him sing the phonebook. Nice job hitting the high notes, too.
Deb: Is he missing a top lip? (what IS my fascination with body parts??). His outfit sucked. I thought he sounded shakey on alot of parts and had a real problem with the transitions. Nice song but now
really just want to hear Tim sing it. I expected more out of him.
Nerdia: Loved it, loved it. Another Morrissey-esque perfromance and a greeeaat song.


Guest Judge - Martina McBride

Coolia: Martina was okay, nothing special but not annoying.
Deb: Martina McBride was nice and probably gave some helpful advice. She seemed genuinely nice and to really like some of the singers.
Nerdia: Didn't add much, IMHO.


Predictions

Coolia: Chris goes home, with Lakisha and Sanjaya in the Bottom 3.
Nerdia: Lakisha goes home, with Chris and Sanjaya in the bottom 3.

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A Dog's Life on the D-List

Coolia, Nerdia, and my BFF invited me along for brunch on Saturday. I suggested we go to Hans Rockenwagner's new Venice hot spot, 3 Square Cafe, because it has a lovely patio where I can sit with my peeps. The restaurant was bustling, and one rather brusque waitress told me I was in the way, blocking the aisle. Another waitress quickly followed up and said I was not in the way at all and that I was "the cutest dog in the world."

As I was begging for Coolia to toss me some weisswurst, I heard the brusque waitress call out, "Jake, over here." Two guys walked by tailed by a german shepherd. I immediately recognized the dog was Atticus Gyllenhaal and went to say hello. Atticus sniffed me for one second and then kept walking. Apparently, he wasn't familiar with my work on Who Gets The Dog?

I tell you, life as a D-List dog is full of disappointment. You may remember I frolicked with Mindy Cohn's dogs, fellow residents of the D-List. But Atticus was far too A-List for me. Coolia and Nerdia were too busy staring at Atticus' owner Jake to even notice that I was sniffed and snubbed.

Sometimes the only thing that fills the emptiness is weisswurst, and luckily, there was plenty of it raining down on me.

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