But Can They Sing? - 10/30/05

In a word, "No." I was really looking forward to But Can They Sing?, VH1's Dancing with the Stars rip-off. Not only would I get to see Joey Pants and Antonio Sabato, Jr. sing - but also one of my favorite reality stars, Carmine Gotti Agnello! Knowing that Carmine can't enunciate and has to have his dialogue subtitled even though he's allegedly speaking English, I couldn't imagine how he'd be able to sing (of course, some would argue that unintelligible lyrics are the cornerstone of rock music). Carmine was given the challenge of rapping along to "Ride Wit' Me" by Nelly. Anyone who saw this performance will have gained new-found respect for Nelly. However, Carmine got points for having the attitude of a pop star, and the screaming girls in the crowd ate up the performance. Larry Holmes was a bright spot, showing some flair for performance even if he couldnt' sing too well. Kim Alexis and Bai Ling were probably the worst, although Bai Ling's writhing on the floor to "Like a Virgin" might garner a few votes from Maxim readers. Joey Pants did a mediocre Frank Sinatra impression and Morgan Fairchild did a passable Nancy Sinatra. The whole spectacle made me think of a famous Nancy and Frank Sinatra collaboration: "Something Stupid".