The Oscars - Live from the Ape Culture Red Carpet!

The Ape Culture Oscar Party was way more fun than the Governor's Ball! We presented some awards you may not have heard about, even if you stayed up til 1am watching E!'s post-Oscars coverage.

Best Theme Costume


The award goes to Bill and Heather as the Knocked Up couple. Extra points for attention to detail not visible in this photo - E! logo on Heather's microphone and Bill's "Flesh of the Stars" T-shirt.

Most Ridiculous Costume



Shelby took this honor for her Sicko ensemble. "Should I cut here...or here?" - she moaned sorrowfully.

Best Formal Costume



I won! I won! Who was I wearing? Goodwill. Dress cost $8 and shoes cost $5. The boa was from my extensive personal boa collection.

Best Theme Food

This award went to Mary and John for their empanadas, AKA Sweeney Todd meat pies. Also-ran theme food items included:

• Michael Clayton manic baguettes
• There Will Be Blood Oranges
• Black Gold Brownies
• Juno's Sunny D Bundt Cake
• Ratatouille
• Milkshakes (drink 'em up)
• Atonement required for eating Gooey Butter Cake
• Into the Wild foraged salad
  

Best Oscar Prognosticator


Christopher took the title with an impressive 16 out of 24! I got 12 right. My biggest mistake was picking Transformers for all the technical awards instead of Bourne Supremacy.

Thoughts on the Show

The show was short on surprises. I guess Marion Cotillard besting Julie Christie for Best Actress was really the only surprise of the night, other than the aforementioned technical awards.

We got really sick of the Enchanted songs - three was a bit much. We all cheered when the song from Once won, and we loved that John Stewart let Marketa Irglova come back out to deliver her awesome acceptance speech after the music cut her off on the first go-round.

I'm fine with Daniel Day Lewis winning, even if I don't think his performance was all that different from his work in Gangs of New York, but his speech was a little Tom-Hanksian in its floweriness.

I'm happy for the Coen Brothers. They rock, even if I didn't get the ending of No Country for Old Men.

How come Brad Renfro was left out of the death reel? Oversight or value judgment? Heath Ledger died from drugging and he was the death reel finale, so I think Brad should have been included too. If you don't think he's worthy, go rent Bully.

If I was voting...

• Tom Wilkinson would have won Best Supporting Actor for the best portrayal of bipolar disorder I've seen on screen - shattering, visceral, and never hammy
• Laura Linney would have won Best Actress and The Savages (my favorite movie of the year) would have at least been nominated for Best Picture
• The Diving Bell and The Butterfly would have won Best Foreign Film (which it wasn't even nominated for) and Best Cinematography
• I Met the Walrus and The Tonto Woman would have won the Short Subject categories

One more thing - was that Tilda Swinton or Ziggy Stardust?

More pics from the Ape Culture oscar party

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Grammy Awards: Morris Day Does the Bird, Kanye Flips the Bird, Amy Stands on Bird Legs

The 50th anniversary of the Grammy served up some retro performances - some awesome (Tina Turner / Beyonce) and some just weird (Morris Day and the Time / Rihanna).

Amy Winehouse emerged a big winner - taking home 5 awards including Record of the Year, Song of the Year, and Best New Artist. Visa issues kept her from traveling to the US for the show, but she performed live from London. With a hall pass from rehab, she looked a little shaky, standing on bird legs and belting out "Rehab" without shame. She made several shout-outs to her husband: "For Blake. Incarcerated." I'm glad Amy won - her album seldom leaves my 6-disc changer - it's powerful, haunting, retro, and fresh. Moral judgments on her character and whether or not she influences kids to shoot heroin or tease their hair shouldn't interfere with an assessment of her artistry.

Kanye West delivered a powerful and moving song for his late mother, with "Mama" shaved into his head. This made me root for him, but his acceptance speech for Best Rap Album was as arrogant and infuriating as ever. Vince Gill even poked fun at him. Vince received a Grammy from Ringo Starr and joked that he had just got an award from a Beatle - "Kanye, has that happened to you yet?" I guess this may spark a new Chicago vs Nashville rap battle.

68-year-old Tina Turner looked hot in a silver cat suit and appeared to have just as much energy as her partner Beyonce on their "Proud Mary" duet. Another aging diva, Aretha Franklin, didn't fare so well. Despite an LA Times story talking about her recent weight loss, Aretha looked bigger than ever, and a sleeveless yellow gown did nothing but make her resemble the sun. The spaghetti strap appeared to dig into her lumpy shoulder making her arm resemble a bundled roast. Her arm jiggled so much while she praised Jesus that I thought she might knock out some members of the back-up choir.

In more scenes from yesteryear, John Fogarty teamed up with Jerry Lee Lewis and Little Richard. Little Richard was as fabulous as ever, but Jerry Lee Lewis looked more like Jerry Lewis - seemed like some steroid bloat was goin' on. I got a kick out of seeing Morris Day and the Time but I have to wonder if their duet partner Rihanna would even know who they were.

Poor Jason Bateman had to emcee an uninteresting contest to find America's Top Classical Accompanist who would get a chance to share a stage with Foo Fighters. Did anyone actually bother to vote for this? I guess so, as the hottest gal won.

In typical Grammy weirdness, Herbie Hancock unexpectedly took album of the year for "River: the Joni Letters." Kanye had declared that if he didn't win, he would allow Amy Winehouse or Mark Ronson to win, but he didn't mention Herbie. I wish I had a river that Kanye could skate away on.

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Nicholson Starts Britney Spears Solidarity Movement

Well, the Ape Culture oscar party was way more fun than the Governor's Ball, I'm sure. As usual, we dressed up in everything from recycled bridesmaid dresses, to a prom dress with a hoop, to Little Miss Sunshine workout gear. The Edgar Winter Dog wore his "The Dogfather" t-shirt in tribute to classic 70s cinema. Theme food included Brains from The Departed (red jello with licorice imbedded), Dinah's Fried Chicken (as seen in Little Miss Sunshine), Letters from Iwo Jima Wasabi Shrimp Cheese Grenade, and Babeloney Sandwiches.

And the show was almost as good as the party. I have to hand it to Ellen -she actually cracked me up a few times. She kept her opening monologue pretty short, and her forays into the crowd were hilarious - especially getting Spielberg to take a photo of her and Clint for her myspace page.

My 20-year crush on Jack Nicholson almost came to a sudden end when I saw his Mr. Clean look. Was he finally admitting defeat to the male-pattern baldness that began in his 20s? Was he simply showing solidarity with Britney? As it turns out, he was bald for his art. He's filming The Bucket List in which he and Morgan Freeman play cancer patients who escape the hospital for a wild roadtrip to do all the things they want to do before they die. Rob Reiner is directing, and my expectations are quite low. Still, it's a relief.

I was disappointed that Peter O'Toole didn't win, and Forrest Whitaker's speech, while moving, struck me as a bit over-rehearsed. I guess I miss the goofy spontaneity of a Sally Field "You like me! You like me!". Glad to see Helen Mirren win, and she looked incredible.

Highlights for me were the live animated short victory for the romantic and thought-provoking The Danish Poet, the interpretive dances for the nominated films, the "comedians get no love" number by Jack Black, Will Ferrell, and John C. Reilly, and Jennifer Hudson's "I Am Telling You, Simon, That I'm Not Out of My League" victory. Lowlights were too many montages - the writers one and the Michael Mann one were uninspired and brought the show to a grinding halt.

While I don't feel it's Scorsese's best work, I was relieved to see him finally get the Oscar, and his speech was good. Glad The Departed won best picture too, even if my favorite newly bald actor was left off the Best Supporting Actor nominee list. Yes, I'm still not over it.

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2007 Grammy Awards Live Blog

ApeBlog contributors got together to liveblog during the grammys.

The Police reunite and sing "Roxanne."

Coolia: Sting looks amazing. It must be the tantric sex.

Nerdia: I wish they would have done another song, like something from Synchronicity.

C. Crumpet Swank: Who cares?

C. Crumpet Swank: Carrie Underwood looking as boring as ever..

Best pop vocal collaboration - Stevie Wonder and Tony Bennett

(general outrage)

C. Crumpet Swank: Think of how innovating the Shakira song is. Looks like Stevie has been having dinner at Aretha's.

Coolia: Mary J. and U2 should have won if voting was based on the number of plays on my ipod. tony Bennett becomes the first winner to ever thank Target.

Joan Baez introduces Dixie Chicks.

Nerdia: Sometimes I can't tell Joan Baez and Camille Paglia apart.

Coolia: The former Dixie Chunk looks svelte now.

C. Crumpet Swank: She looks kind of like Belinda Carlisle now, but that dress is horrible. It's like an 1984 prom dress.

Prince introduces Beyonce.

C. Crumpet Swank: She looks beautiful.

Black Eyed Peas pay tribute to Booker T. and the MGs.

Coolia: If Fergie had any more eye makeup on, she'd be Tammy Faye.

Best R&B Album - Mary J. Blige, The Breakthrough

C. Crumpet Swank: She said it was her first time accepting award...but she already has 3.

Coolia: She looks great.

Justin Timberlake performs "What Goes Around."

C. Crumpet Swank: I just don't see what the big fuss is about him.

Coolia: I can kinda see it. He's cute, he's got charisma. He's funny and self-depracating on SNL, and now it appears he can actually act...and play the piano. But this close-up camera isn't really working for me.

C. Crumpet Swank: It just draws attention to his worst physical feature - his nose.

Best R&B Vocal performance - Mary J. Blige "Be Without You"

C. Crumpet Swank: They play this ad nauseum, but I haven't gotten tired of it.

Stevie Wonder introduces Corrine Bailey Rae, John Mayer, and John Legend.

Coolia: Overjoyed...overwelmed...overweight. That is not a flattering print for him.

Nerdia: Corrine sounds like Norah Jones to me.

C. Crumpet Swank: John Legend has a really good song called "Save Room for My Love." He won best new artist last year.

C. Crumpet Swank: I'm underwelmed by this trio.

Coolia: Yeah, I just yawned.

C. Crumpet Swank: This ain't no Sheila E with glow in the dark drumsticks doing "The Glamorous Life", which, through the miracle of You Tube, I got to see again.

Coolia: Is that Natasha Bedingfield or Sally Kellerman

Best Pop Vocal Album - John Mayer "Continuum"

Shakira and Wyclef Jean perform "Hips Don't Lie"

Coolia: Shakira's voice is nails on the chalkboard to me. She's like Charo for the new generation.

Burt Bacharach and Seal pay tribute to Herb Alpert and Jerry Moss.

Coolia: Burt looks weird with that caesar hair.

Nerdia: He's so small next to Seal.

Pop Song of the Year - The Dixie Chicks "Not Ready to Make Nice"

Alyson Hanegan announces Gnarls Barkley.

C. Crumpet Swank: I hate when the networks trot out the stars from their TV shows to present awards when they have nothing to do with music.

Coolia: I love the pilot outfits.

C. Crumpet Swank: They're ruining the song with this arrangement. It hasn't gotten off the ground.

Coolia: They could never ruin this song.

Best Rap Album - Ludacris "Release Therapy"

Coolia: Ludacris just thanked Bill O'Reilly. Interesting.

Another plug for voting for the girl who gets to sing with Justin.

C. Crumpet Swank: Do you know how much time they are wasting on this? They can't turn the Grammys into American Idol.

Terence Howard introduces Mary J. Blige singing "Be Without You"

Coolia: I like the big orchestra treatment for this song.

Nerdia: That's great.

Coolia: Sounds like she's being slain in the spirit.

Nerdia: It was no "No More Drama" but still...pretty good.

C. Crumpet Swank: She's like a force of nature. She just blows everyone away.

Best Country Album - The Dixie Chicks "Taking the Long Way"

Reba McEntire introduces Carrie Underwood

Coolia: Her stage presence has improved since Idol.

Nerdia: She's still boring.

Coolia: I like Rascal Flatts, but I wish they were doing their own song instead of "Hotel California". This medley just goes on and on, but I have to admit I'm liking Carrie more than ever before.

Best New Artist - Carrie Underwood

Coolia: Imogen Heap looks like she's starring in A Midsummer Nights Dream.

Samuel L. Jackson and Christina Ricci introduce Smokey Robinson

Coolia: He looks like he's had some work.

Chris Brown wakes everyone up with "Run It"

C. Crumpet Swank: He's only 15. He's the new Usher. Usher is over the hill at 25.

Christina Aguilera sings "It's a Man's World"

C. Crumpet Swank: She's got a great voice and she really knows how to use it. But it's theatrical. I never feel real emotion from her.

Rhianna and David Spade introduce Earth Wind and Fire with Ludacris and Mary J. Blige. Spade jokes that they are filling in for David Bowie an Iman who couldnt be there tonight.

C. Crumpet Swank: That was the best joke of the night.

Nerdia: I love pantsuits like Mary J.'s. It's very 70s polyester.

James Blunt performs "You're Beautiful."

Coolia: I wonder if he's as sick of this song as we are.

Jennifer Hudson declares the winner of Grammy Idol - Robin Troup.

Coolia: Poor Jennifer. That's not a very flattering dress.

C. Crumpet Swank: Her boobs look lopsided.

Record of the Year - The Dixie Chicks "Not Ready to Make Nice"

Group: groan

Coolia: This is turning into the country music awards.

Nerdia: I think the Grammys are trying to make a political statement. "Crazy" was much larger than this.

Chris Rock introduces Red Hot Chili Peppers.

Coolia: This is a pretty subdued performance from the Chilis.

Best Rock Album - Red Hot Chili Peppers "Stadium Arcadium"

Coolia: Yay! At least one award to get excited about.

Don Henley and Scarlett Johansson present Album of the Year.

C. Crumpet Swank: Don Henley's hair looks like Grandpa Munster.

Nerdia: He's so full of himself. Look at him, standing there, being full of himself.

Album of the Year - The Dixie Chicks "Taking the Long Way"

Group: sigh.

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