Thursday, September 22, 2005

Brady vs. Partridge All Over Again

While Coolia is away in Germany this week, I have been missing copious amounts of reality. Reality TV that is. Coolia, as you may or may not know, is a reality TV junkie. Yes, we’ve staged interventions, mercilessly mocked Trishelle Cannatella – it does no good. After living a temper-tantrum-on-TV-free week, I can honestly say that I don’t miss hearing Adrianne Curry sob over Christopher Knight on My Fair Brady. Granted, he is the cute Brady, he’s no David Cassidy…and David isn’t even worth sobbing over. Surreal Life spin-offs are dangerously boring and they make you want to bang your head against your TIVO box and cry, “Why, TV-gods, are you doing this to me?” Sure, the show is better than the Flavor Flav and Brigitte Nielson debacle, but do we only think so because Curry and Knight are both white-bread white and better-looking? And who was on which Surreal Life season, anyway? They’re all blurring together now. I think I’m going blind. Another reality show I cannot watch is that Danny Bonaduce tragedy. Ever since I watched Bonaduce’s crazy life unfold on E! True Hollywood Story, I’ve been rootin for that crazy redhead who married a stranger and stuck with it and then put his life into some seeming semblance of responsible order. Do I want to hear that he’s fallen off every wagon in the wagon train? Do I want to hear I’ve been duped by his mischievous grin? Do I want to regret my victory dance when he beat Greg Brady in Celebrity Boxing? No. I do not. So I refuse to watch Breaking Bonaduce. I’m not bored of the wagon wreck (as I am with Bobby and Whitney and Farrah and Anna Nicole). In this case, I’m simply feeling too sorry for it. So, I do not miss these shows or that silly Gene Simmons rock school show where he bows his ego like a weeping willow over the heads of British grade schoolers. There IS, however, one reality construct I am looking forward to: Chastity Bono on Celebrity Fit Club 3. No, I’m not looking forward to seeing her from 360 degrees in her underwear? No I’m not looking forward to seeing her trudge down the street in a hamster tube. I’m looking forward to hearing what she has to say - because she can be pretty dern articulate about reality when she puts her mind to it and she should probably blame pops Sonny for bequeathing to her all those fattening Italian family recipes. Although, I do fear this appearance may ruin her chances of running for President. I’m also really excited about the premier of Curb Your Enthusiasm this Sunday. Because that’s some crazy reality-infused inane behavior I find pleasant to watch. For more on fattening Bono recipes visit his other daughter's restaurant.

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