Recapping The Hills - Forbidden Friendships

Tonight's show opens with a Hollywood street scene and clearly visible is Tommy Wiseau's mug on his perennial billboard for The Room, reminding me that I still need to go see this cult classic. How great would it be to have an episode of The Hills in which Lo, Lauren, Audrina go to this modern-day Rocky Horror and shout out lines.

Lauren invites the She-Pratt to her birthday festivities, but She-Pratt isn't sure she should attend given her divided loyalties. Spencer visits Heidi and inquires if they are still dating or if he can see other people, because, you know, there's a line of girls outside the door waiting to go out with him. Later, She-Pratt berates Spencer for bringing some of his furniture into her condo and for not getting a job. Hmm, maybe she is cool.

She-Pratt shows up at Lauren's bday party and is received by a greek chorus of Lo, Audrina and Whitney making shocked faces right out of Edvard Munch's The Scream painting. Lo doesn't trust She-Pratt, but Lauren is soooo happy they came. Heidi's assistant breaks this news to Heidi, who promptly calls Spencer who describes the She-Pratt as "Brody Jr."

Lauren and Brody have lunch. Brody warns Lauren to be cautious about She-Pratt. Spencer confronts She-Pratt over her duplicity. She-Pratt gets upset, "You're making me cry right now." Spencer retorts, "No, you are making yourself cry because of what you did." Oh, snap.

She-Pratt tells Lauren that Spencer was all mean to her. She-Pratt justifies her friendship with Lauren to Heidi: "We do have fashion in common." Heidi retorts, "Every girl has fashion in common!" Heidi says She-Pratt was like a sister to her, making me think Heidi must mean She-Pratt is like a sister you find out you had when you're already in your 20s who lives in another country and you email sporadically because I haven't seen a ton of closeness between these two.

Next episode...

Whitney and Lauren have lunch. Whitney tells Lauren about her new job, and Lauren pretends to be interested.

Whitney's "Devil Wears Gap" boss Kelly Cutrone calls a meeting about Fashion Week and states that complete devotion and only black clothing is expected of all staff. Whitney comes up with an idea and shows up the chief publicist in front of Kelly. Over at Teen Vogue, Lauren looks longingly at Whitney's empty chair. She takes a break from playing the Virtual Hills to call Whitney who is too busy with Fashion Week to talk to her. Lauren looks sad.

Heidi and the She-Pratt go to a club called Vice. Audrina is there. Heidi brings her breast implants over to meet Audrina. Heidi says she wants to be friends again and there have been times she cried because plastic surgery is painful and she was so alone.

Heidi and She-Pratt go shopping and Heidi tells She-Pratt she wants to be friends with Audrina again. Whitney and Lauren work out and Lauren again pretends to be interested in Whitney's job. She-Pratt tells Lauren that Heidi and Audrina talked for "a long time" at the club. I guess the long time was edited down to 1 min 30 seconds on the show. Lauren warns Audrina that Heidi would use her to get back at Lauren. A slight worried look crosses Audrina's moon face as she reassures Lauren that she would never be friends with Heidi since Heidi hurt Lauren. My head is spinning at the Shakespearean complexity of all these entwined relationships.

Lauren visits Whitney at her work and angles for a part time job. Heidi comes over to Audrina's and Lauren's apt to pick up some things she had left there. Heidi comments on the oddity of She-Pratt and Lauren being friends and Audrina responds with a surprising amount of wisdom: "It's weird how the world works." Audrina admits that Heidi came over and Lauren freaks out. Awkward silence ensues...fade out.