Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Recapping The Hills - Don't Act Innocent

LC and Whitney are at the gym, and LC is not punching very hard. "Come on, LC, imagine the pads are Jason's face!" yells the trainer, in my dream. LC tells Whitney about Steph and Doug going out. The trainer, whose opinion nobody asked, thinks that Steph should have asked permission first. Can someone please start a facebook group and call it "People who think Steph should have asked LC's permission before going out with Doug"?

Steph and LC meet up at Fashion School. Painful looks are exchanged. LC brings up the date with Doug. Steph says Doug used her to get back at LC. Steph then says she's going to Doug's party. "You deleted him from your phone but you're going to his party?" LC asks, incredulous. "No, no, this was like weeks ago before I was even friends with him," Steph says. LC and I both go, "huh?" Steph made about as much sense as Sarah Palin in that Katie Couric interview.

Heidi's sister Holly flies in their mother as a birthday surprise for Heidi. Heidi probably would have preferred a pair of Jimmy Choos. Heidi's mom says she was disappointed she had to find out from Holly that Spencer had moved back in. An awkward confrontation takes place in front of Spencer.

Steph and Doug meet for a drink. Steph worries that Brody will be mean to her at Doug's party. Doug thinks Steph worries too much. It's then implied that they are going to Doug's to watch a DVD. Oh my!

Over at Peoples Revolution, LC and Whitney pose by a rack of clothes. LC tells Whitney about Steph's strange denial of Doug. LC says Whitney should come to Doug's BBQ so she can meet Doug. "You'll hate him!" she says, giggling.

Cut to an establishing shot of Doug's Hollywood Hills home, obscured by three black SUVs. Brody teases Doug for being shady. Doug says Steph is the one coming on to him with text messages like: "come over late tonight and watch a movie." Doug says he hopes Brody won't make Steph cry, but Brody won't make any promises.

Spencer and Heidi's mom go to lunch. Heidi's mom says she thinks Spencer is pressuring Heidi into cohabitating. "I think you're very controlling and manipulative," Heidi's mom says, and then adds, "condescending, rude and hostile." If she would have thrown in "physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, and you smell", it would have been a true shout-out to Cher in Witches of Eastwick. Go Heidi's Mom!

We're at Doug's BBQ and I wonder if this is really a new party or just scenes from all the other BBQs spliced together. There's the usual gratuitous shot of Audrina's breast implants. Doug dives in, splashing LC and Whitney. Brody confronts Steph. Steph denies trying to date Doug. Whitney tells LC it's inappropriate for Brody to yell at Steph. LC thinks she might walk home to get away from the overwhelming awkwardness, however I'm sure she didn't bring her hiking boots.

Heidi and her mom go to lunch. I'm finding Heidi's platinum blond hair blinding in this episode. I put on sunglasses during her scenes. Heidi's mom shares how hurt she was and says she thinks Spencer is trying to break up the family, and then she cries. Heidi's mom sniffles, "Maybe I'm being too controlling. I just want you to be happy." Heidi looks confused, probably because she wouldn't know happy if it came up and bit her on the ass at Area.

Back at Doug's BBQ, Brody uses the word "shady" to describe Steph for the twentieth time. Steph sits in a room that appears to be a Doug Shrine, where she can overhear the conversation outside as Doug says he wasn't trying to date her and that he felt sorry for her because she was like "a lost puppy." LC thinks Doug is over-apologizing if he really did nothing wrong. Doug calls LC an ex-fling, and she gets up and leaves in a huff.

Steph cries to LC. Steph says she can't hang out with the group anymore because Brody is all mean to her. Steph lies to LC again about not being into Doug, and I'm wondering if she is channeling Jon Lovitz's chronic liar character. LC stalks off, leaving Steph in tears. Drama!

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