Recapping the Hills - If She Never Met Spencer

Lo is helping LC with her homework by cutting pictures out of magazines. That was my homework once too - in 3rd grade. LC invites Lo to have a drink with Holly, Heidi's sister. LC says she's worried that Holly is trying to get her and Heidi back together. "Well, drinks are harmless," says Lo. Spoken like a true Hills girl!

Audrina and Chiara have lunch at Epic, and Audrina says she's excited about a date with a new guy - Colin. "Justin...whatever...I don't have a ring on my finger," Audrina says. I'm kinda liking the new aggressive Audrina, even if her sentence structure resembles Sarah Palin's.

Holly and Heidi have lunch. Heidi starts to fake cry, lamenting her lost best friend LC. Holly suggests that Heidi write LC a letter. Sounds like a good job for Heidi's assistant.

Colin and Audrina have dinner. Colin says his first job in LA was Bull Operator at the Saddleranch. Insert your own joke here. Audrina says her drink is too strong, because she probably hasn't eaten anything all day. Audrina complains that Justin gets angry when he's drunk, but Colin says he's a happy drunk. He also thinks Audrina has beautiful eyes and asks her for a second date in the middle of the first.

Holly meets Lo and LC at S Bar. Holly says she and Heidi had grown apart during The Spencer Years. LC says, "It's water under the bridge but things have changed and it's done." I guess it's not really water under the bridge then, is it?

LC and Whitney are at work, and LC lets Whitney read the apology letter she got from Heidi so that it can be on TV. The letter seems to have no polysyllabic words. LC wonders, "why now?" and "even after all this time, she still can't blame Spencer?"

Audrina meets Colin for their 2nd date. Audrina says she was up late talking to Justin. Colin calls her out for bringing up Justin on both dates, which she should know from reading Cosmo is Dating Faux Pas #1 - don't talk about your ex. Audrina admits she still has feelings for the enigmatic, rogueish Justin Bobby.

Holly comes over to visit LC. Holly asks if LC got the letter and LC says it basically just said sorry (again). LC says she already accepted the apology a long time ago. LC says maybe they could be friends again but she can't ever be civil to Spencer. Looks like Heidi may have to make a Sophie's Choice.

Audrina and LC sit by the pool. Audrina says Colin was a momentary distraction but not dysfunctional enough to replace Justin. LC says, "Where do you think we'd all be if Heidi had never met Spencer." Audrina says, "I think it would be totally different." LC says, "Isn't that weird to think about? How one person coming into someone's life can change everything?" This is practically a Socratic dialogue by Hills standards. I reflect on how many hours of my life I'd have back if I'd never stumbled upon Laguna Beach.

Audrina goes out with Justin and tells him that she went out with Colin and that Colin is a nice guy. "Nice is good...nice gets you far...he went so far, but he's not here," Justin says, smugly.

Holly and Heidi talk and Heidi says it's up to LC to rekindle the friendship. Spencer interrupts them, and Heidi admits writing the letter. He wants to know why Heidi is keeping secrets from him. Holly tries to interject but Spencer shushes her and Heidi yells at him. In typical controlling fashion, Spencer says he doesnt want Heidi to have LC as a friend (or any friends at all!). The preview for next week shows him locking her up in a tower where she will have to escape by making a rope out of her hair extensions.

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Meeting Jonathan Hart

I can cross another childhood crush off the list, as I got to meet Robert Wagner tonight. I grew up watching Hart to Hart. I told RJ the show made me want to move to LA. I wanted to cruise around in a convertible Mercedes with the license plate "2 Harts" just like Jonathan and Jennifer...and now I do, except it's a convertible Audi sans vanity plate. RJ was so dashing and handsome on that show, and, heck, he still looks great at age 78.

To promote his new memoir Pieces of My Heart, RJ appeared for a talk and signing at the Santa Monica Public Library. The talk was really fun because it was a conversation with his daughter Katie. His daughter Natasha was also in the crowd. Katie teased her dad about all the girls he's loved before, including the big revelation that he had a 3-year love affair with Barbara Stanwyck long before it was cool to date a cougar. They also talked about his great love - Natalie Wood - how they met when she was 18, married young, divorced, remarried, and the tragic accident. Natasha asked a question about how her dad managed to keep in touch with people over the years and be such a good friend who called his friends often. He replied that it was just due to putting in the effort. Katie reminded Natasha that their dad was one of the first people in LA to have a car phone.

RJ talked a lot about the importance of mentors in his life, including David Niven, Laurence Olivier, and Paul Newman. He was generous with his time, putting up with some crackpot questions from the audience. One guy asked why after all his years of looking impeccable and clean-shaven, RJ would allow a stubbly pic of himself to be on his book cover. The guy wouldn't let it go and said he disliked how everyone was stubbly in movies today. RJ simply said it was a picture taken on the set of The Longest Day that his daughter Courtney had suggested he use, and that it represented a time when he was in a lot of emotional turmoil due to the first break up with Natalie. I think it's a very striking photo, probably because it does seem slightly out of character (but still dashing!).

Another person in the audience brought up something that had always bothered me: how did the Harts manage to attract more friends since one of their friends died in every episode of Hart to Hart. RJ laughed and said it was quite lonely after a while since everyone was wary of befriending them. He also pointed out that it was odd that Max didn't have a room - or at least, it was never shown on the show.

There was also a sweet question from the audience, where a gal got up and said it was refreshing to see a loving couple like Jonathan and Jennifer on TV in an era of a lot of soap opera style feuding. RJ said the network always wanted more conflict on the show but they refused to cave in and kept calling each other "darling."

RJ signed books and posed for photos, chatting with everyone and being very gracious. I have to agree with Max. He's quite a guy!

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Edgar Meets McCanine

Watch what happens when Edgar gets a new chew toy. Video seems to only play in Internet Explorer or Safari.

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Recapping The Hills - Don't Act Innocent

LC and Whitney are at the gym, and LC is not punching very hard. "Come on, LC, imagine the pads are Jason's face!" yells the trainer, in my dream. LC tells Whitney about Steph and Doug going out. The trainer, whose opinion nobody asked, thinks that Steph should have asked permission first. Can someone please start a facebook group and call it "People who think Steph should have asked LC's permission before going out with Doug"?

Steph and LC meet up at Fashion School. Painful looks are exchanged. LC brings up the date with Doug. Steph says Doug used her to get back at LC. Steph then says she's going to Doug's party. "You deleted him from your phone but you're going to his party?" LC asks, incredulous. "No, no, this was like weeks ago before I was even friends with him," Steph says. LC and I both go, "huh?" Steph made about as much sense as Sarah Palin in that Katie Couric interview.

Heidi's sister Holly flies in their mother as a birthday surprise for Heidi. Heidi probably would have preferred a pair of Jimmy Choos. Heidi's mom says she was disappointed she had to find out from Holly that Spencer had moved back in. An awkward confrontation takes place in front of Spencer.

Steph and Doug meet for a drink. Steph worries that Brody will be mean to her at Doug's party. Doug thinks Steph worries too much. It's then implied that they are going to Doug's to watch a DVD. Oh my!

Over at Peoples Revolution, LC and Whitney pose by a rack of clothes. LC tells Whitney about Steph's strange denial of Doug. LC says Whitney should come to Doug's BBQ so she can meet Doug. "You'll hate him!" she says, giggling.

Cut to an establishing shot of Doug's Hollywood Hills home, obscured by three black SUVs. Brody teases Doug for being shady. Doug says Steph is the one coming on to him with text messages like: "come over late tonight and watch a movie." Doug says he hopes Brody won't make Steph cry, but Brody won't make any promises.

Spencer and Heidi's mom go to lunch. Heidi's mom says she thinks Spencer is pressuring Heidi into cohabitating. "I think you're very controlling and manipulative," Heidi's mom says, and then adds, "condescending, rude and hostile." If she would have thrown in "physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, and you smell", it would have been a true shout-out to Cher in Witches of Eastwick. Go Heidi's Mom!

We're at Doug's BBQ and I wonder if this is really a new party or just scenes from all the other BBQs spliced together. There's the usual gratuitous shot of Audrina's breast implants. Doug dives in, splashing LC and Whitney. Brody confronts Steph. Steph denies trying to date Doug. Whitney tells LC it's inappropriate for Brody to yell at Steph. LC thinks she might walk home to get away from the overwhelming awkwardness, however I'm sure she didn't bring her hiking boots.

Heidi and her mom go to lunch. I'm finding Heidi's platinum blond hair blinding in this episode. I put on sunglasses during her scenes. Heidi's mom shares how hurt she was and says she thinks Spencer is trying to break up the family, and then she cries. Heidi's mom sniffles, "Maybe I'm being too controlling. I just want you to be happy." Heidi looks confused, probably because she wouldn't know happy if it came up and bit her on the ass at Area.

Back at Doug's BBQ, Brody uses the word "shady" to describe Steph for the twentieth time. Steph sits in a room that appears to be a Doug Shrine, where she can overhear the conversation outside as Doug says he wasn't trying to date her and that he felt sorry for her because she was like "a lost puppy." LC thinks Doug is over-apologizing if he really did nothing wrong. Doug calls LC an ex-fling, and she gets up and leaves in a huff.

Steph cries to LC. Steph says she can't hang out with the group anymore because Brody is all mean to her. Steph lies to LC again about not being into Doug, and I'm wondering if she is channeling Jon Lovitz's chronic liar character. LC stalks off, leaving Steph in tears. Drama!

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LOL Edgar - The Baby

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Recapping The Hills - Lo and Audrina: New BFFs

This week's episode begins with Audrina actually in the front house, helping LC pack for a trip to Italy. She and Lo say they will be bonding in LC's abscence. Wow, I guess that make-up conversation between LC and Audrina where nothing much was said but there were a lot of blank looks and running mascara really did change things!

Steph comes over to see Audrina and says that Doug has asked her on a date. Audrina advises Steph to ask LC's permission before going on the date, but Steph retorts, "Um, how would she find out? (blank stare). Audrina pauses with a blank stare and says "I don't know." Hello, people, everything you do is recorded for this major hit television show - Lauren could quite possibly find out!

Meanwhile at Bolthouse, Heidi tells her only friend Kimberley that she's going to bring Spencer to their X Games party where she will be pretending to work. "Like, we can stay in when we're old," Heidi says.

Lo and Audrina have lunch at Fred Segal. I have a quick fantasy about the ivy on the wall swallowing them up. After the big decision of what club to go to that evening is made (Goa wins), Audrina tells Lo about Steph and Doug. "Why would you want sloppy seconds?" Audrina says, in an unusually catty moment. Apparently, Lo is already having an influence on her.

As usual, since LA seems to only have 3 clubs, Heidi and Spencer show up at Goa where Lo and Audrina are hanging out. Audrina tells Heidi about Doug and Steph. Heidi is all outraged and says she would never do that to her friend and that there are a hundred million guys in this city. That's true, Heidi, so go find a decent one! Lo tries to bury her scowl in her appletini during this exchange, but it remains quite visible.

Steph talks about her dilemma with Spencer who gleefully tells her that LC will freak out and cut her off. At the X Games party, Audrina and Justin Bobby hang with Spencer and Heidi. Spencer tries to make conversation by stating that "The Dark Knight" should have been called "The Joker." Wait, aren't they looking for a replacement for Roger Ebert? Alert the media. Audrina wants to talk about Steph and Doug again because she can only fit one thing in her brain per episode. Audrina suggests she and Heidi should do lunch and continue reconciling. Who is being more duplicitous: (a) Steph, (b) Audrina, (c) Both - they're just using LC to be on TV.

Doug and Steph go to dinner. Doug says he didn't tell Brody they were going out, and Steph says she didn't tell LC because LC is in Italy and she wouldn't know what to do if someone answered the phone and said "Pronto." Because there are only 5 restaurants in LA, Brody's mom happens to be at this very same restaurant - uh oh, busted! I guess it's true that LA can be a small town. I mean, I have seen Ron Jeremy out at clubs twice.

At Epic, Audrina has coffee with Chiara and talks about bonding with Lo. She then tells Chiara about Doug and Steph. Who's left for Audrina to tell? Perez Hilton? "It's just crazy that all this is happening while Lauren is gone," Audrina says. Either that, or it's in the script.

LC returns to find Audrina in the front house again. LC has coordinated blue wayfarers to match her tank top. LC does her best not to react to the news of Audrina hanging out with Heidi. Audrina tells LC about Doug and Steph. A cock crows. LC looks dismayed.

LC and Brody go to dinner. Brody reports that Doug claimed to be out at a business dinner on the night he took Steph out, and that he found out the truth from his mom. Brody gloats about being right about Steph being nefarious, grinding salt in LC's wound before saying "I just don't want to see you get hurt." Brody calls Steph "shady", recalling the time LC yelled at her ex-friend Jen Bunny for kissing LC's then-boyfriend Brody, "You did something shady." OK, I'm embarassed I just made that connection.

Meanwhile, in other Hills news, TMZ informed us that the newest additions to Wolfgang Puck's gallery of star photos (all taken by "warts and all" photographer Martin Scholler) at his restaurant CUT were none other than Heidi and Spencer. So one wall has Jack Nicholson and George Clooney and another wall has these two? I guess you'll know when you haven't been given a good table.

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Nelly's Late, Late Show

Last Monday, I caught Nelly's show at the House of Blues. I'm sorta old, so I wasn't sure I could do a late concert on a Monday, but because I represent the STL, I had to be there. As I was out of Pimp Juice, I had to fuel up on Red Bull. The ticket said the show would start at 11pm, but I knew midnight was more likely. I showed up around 11:45pm to find the place only about half full. Gradually, it filled up and people began to get restless. Nelly and the St. Lunatics finally took the stage around 12:30 AM. Damn, Nelly! You made us wait 4 years for this new album and you're still making us wait!

They woke us right up with a quick rendition of "Party People". Nelly was looking super-fit and hot, wearing jeans, two tank tops, sideways baseball cap and shades. He delivered a fast-paced set, clocking in at nearly 2 hours, and giving the crowd just about every track from his new album Brass Knuckles and most of his old hits. A lot of the hits were delivered in abbreviated style, almost medleys, but with extra energy to make up for less length.

Besides the ubiquitous Lunatics, Nelly brought a few guests. He sang "Who Fucks Wit Me" with Avery Storm, as he does on the album. Avery has a soulful voice and seems pretty fly for a white guy. At one point, a seemingly drunk or high dude in the crowd behind me kept dancing like a maniac and bumping into me. I was annoyed but dismissed it as typical House of Blues behavior. Then I was suprised to see this same hyperactive guy up on stage with the band. Nelly introduced him as Keak da Sneak, one of his rapping idols from the Bay Area. He also let all the Lunatics take turns in the spotlight, especially Murphy Lee who reprised his "Shake Your Tailfeather" hit and spoke about his new album coming soon. Nelly also introduced City Spud. Remember when Nelly used to always wear a bandaid on his face? That was a shout to City Spud who was in jail at the time. When he got released, Nelly retired the bandaid.

Nelly reminded us at least 20 times that Brass Knuckles would be in the store the next day and was so named because it was going to hit us hard. Judging by the songs he played, I'd say the album delivers. I particularly liked "Lie" which he said was about how once in a great while it's the lady's fault when a relationship goes sour. I think "Party People" (featuring Fergie) is a great jam. Then there's the anthemic "Self Esteem" (featuring Chuck D) which gives a positive message but comes off like an imitation of Nas' "I Can." The guest star lineup for the album is impressive: Ciara, Usher, Snoop Dogg, TI, LL Cool J, Ashanti. The song "La" (featuring Snoop), a tribute to all things LA, got much love from the LA crowd.

I've seen Nelly twice before. First was at the outdoor amphiteather in Irvine as part of a rap fest, then headlining at the Gibson Amphiteater when "Sweat / Suit" was released, and this was the first time in an intimate venue. It was definitely the most fun show of the three, probably because it was small, but also because Nelly seems more comfortable in the spotlight and his routines with the Lunatics were really tight.

Nelly saved two big hits for the encore: "Hot in Herre" and "Dilemma". My only disappointment with the show was that he never took his tank top off. Well, he took the top layer off, but kept the white wife beater on, teasing us and disobeying "Hot in Herre"'s oft-repeated command: "It's getting hot in herre, so take off all your clothes." Oh well, I forgive him.

Read my hip hop guide to St. Louis

Here's some pics courtesy of my new iphone...


Nelly, don't go into the light!


Nelly and St. Lunatics imitate NKOTB


Nelly and Keak da Sneak




Nelly and City Spud


Nelly and Ali (of St. Lunatics)

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