American Idol Week 1: The Top 24

Wow, what a disappointing start to the new season...nobody has knocked my bowersox off...nobody is worth detailed analysis at this point, but here are some quick impressions...

Paige Miles - "All Right Now"

She's got a big voice but she's pretty ordinary in the other departments. Simon said she has the best voice of the girls. It's hard to go first so I give her some points for surviving.

Ashley Rodriguez - "Happy"

She's a pretty girl and seemed talented from clips of Hollywood Week, but this wasn't a great song choice. Her early place in the lineup combined with the lackluster performance could doom her.

Janell Wheeler - "What About Love"

What about love? What about choosing a song you can handle? This was way too much for Janell. She'd need to coast on her coverage from earlier rounds to survive.

Lilly Scott - "Fixing a Hole"

I find her voice kind of irritating, but I give her points for being original and different. The white blond hair isn't flattering.

Katelyn Epperly - "Oh Darling"

She did better than I expected - kinda bluesy tone to her voice. I agree with Kara that her makeup and styling were overdone.

Haeley Vaughn - "I Wanna Hold Your Hand"

I wanna put my hands over my ears. This girl has a terribly annoying, nasally, screechy voice.

Lacey Brown - "Landslide"

I think Lacey is likable, but the judges hammered her. It was an awkward arrangement and she didn't bring anything new to this old chestnut. Stevie Nicks can rest easy.

Michelle Delamor - "Falling"

She's gutsy to take on an Alicia Keys song, and I thought her performance was polished, if not particularly memorable.

Didi Benami - "The Way I Am"

She reminds me of Brooke White, but less annoying.

Siobhan Magnus - "Wicked Game"

Cool song choice. She's quirky but has a frumpy air about her. Could be a dark horse, though.

Crystal Bowersox - "Hand in Pocket"

Looks like Crystal got her teeth whitened. She's a cool chick, and I like that she played guitar and harmonica. Simon has a point though - she's not unlike a lot of subway buskers.

Katie Stevens - "Feelin' Good"

I hate it when young girls sing sexy, adult songs. I hated this performance but I know she will survive another week, backed by all the Diana Degarmo voters.

Toderick Hall - "Since You've Been Gone"

This was a mess, and not a hot mess. Toderick's fame from earlier rounds will carry him through, but Kelly Clarkson can now sing another song about being wronged by a man because Toderick murdered her tune.

Aaron Kelly - "Here Comes Goodbye"

I love me some Rascal Flatts, but what hurts the most is when teens try to sing big people songs. Like Katie, Aaron sang a song that was too adult for him, but he showed strong vocal ability.

Jermaine Sellers - "Get Here"

Get here if you can...Jermaine, how did you get here singing like that? Affected and annoying. His attitude is writing checks his voice can't cash.

Tim Urban - "Apologize"

Meet this year's pen salesman - Jon Peter Lewis reincarnated. Yes, Tim was dreadful. Yes, he attempted a song he doesn't have the range to sing. Yes, Simon tried to axe him by declaring it was a mistake that he got through to this round. Does it matter? Not at all, because tweens will find him dreamy. He could be the lost Jonas brother.

Joe Munoz - "You and I Both"

It seems like Joe might have a good voice, but this performance was very muddled, and I didn't recognize the song. I think his failure to pick a good song coupled with our lack of knowledge of him from previous rounds and his non-dreamy, just average looks will doom him.

Tyler Grady - "American Woman"

Another flop, and I was disappointed because I really like this kid. This was poor karaoke.

Lee Dewyze - "Chasing Cars"

I thought this was kinda cool, but also kinda overdone. He's got a boy next door quality. Simon clearly wants him to stick around, and the show needs a rocker.

John Park - "God Bless the Child"

Another bad song choice. This was nearly incomprehensible. John is cute, but he seemed very nervous.

Michael Lynche - "This Love"

This was OK and he improved as the performance went along. This guy is just plain likable and will be around for a while even if his voice isn't as big as his biceps.

Alex Lambert - "Wonderful World"

I can't decide if tweens will find him dreamy. The mullet is really putting me off. I think they might want to rescue him this week after that "deer in the headlights" performance.

Casey Jones - "Heaven"

Ahh, Casey, I will join Kara in a puddle of drool over you. You just might be the hottest idol since Constantine Maroulis. And if the looks weren't enough, the guy can sing and actually seemed to connect with the material and pick an appropriate song for his voice. Since Paula is not here to say it, let me say it: "Touchdown!"

Andrew Garcia - "Sugar, We're Going Down"

Andrew, you won't be number one with a bullet with performances like this. Not a great song choice, but it's clear he's talented. The judges made sure he'd stick around by reminding us of his "Straight Up" performance.

My predictions for who's going home: Jermaine, Joe, Ashley, Haeley

Actual results: Joe, Tyler, Ashley, Janell

I'm batting .500. I am surprised Tyler was sent home. I thought he deserved another chance and had enough footage from Hollywood Week to get him the votes. But maybe the Jim Morrison/Mick Jagger look wasn't appealing to voters. They should have showed his bathrobe footage yesterday - might have won him some quirkiness votes. I'm stunned we have to endure Haeley for another week! Time to find my ear plugs.

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American Idol: Thoughts on the Top 24

Thoughts on the Top 24

Aaron Kelly - My friend C. Crumpet Swank has coined Aaron: "The depressed Kevin Covais." Now I can't watch him without laughing. Aaron is cute, only 16, with teen idol potential, yet he does seem a bit meloncholy. We'll see if he can bring more perkiness.

Alex Lambert - I haven't been impressed with what I've seen from Alex - just average at best. Plus last year's finalist was Adam Lambert. The names are too similar.

Andrew Garcia - I don't know why they put Andrew in the "Final 2" with Thaddeus, trying to create drama over who would make it. It was no contest. This guy has been a gamer from the get-go and really impressed me and the judges with his funky Hollywood week rendition of "Straight Up." One of the few who truly makes the songs his own, with a good backstory about wanting to make a better life for his wife and kid.

Ashley Rodriguez - Ashley has a strong voice and can belt. She's pretty, seems likable.

Casey James - Casey is definitely a frontrunner. He's got cool long hair and he's dreamy - he reminds me of Brad Pitt in Thelma and Louise. Also, he's got a different style - playing blues guitar. Top 12 fer sure.

Crystal Bowersox - Crystal has an awesome name. She's certainly a little rough around the edges and I'm sure Simon would say she doesn't fit the Idol image, but, man, what a voice. She's got a bit of a Janis Joplin thing going on. Plus she's a young mom. If she gets her teeth whitened, she should make the Top 12. She could knock your bowersox off!

Didi Benami - Didi is very likable and reminds me of Brooke White. She seems like a good spirit and has been trying to make it for sometime, while working as a waitress. I like her voice and her style and expect her to make the Top 12.

Haeley Vaughn - I can't imagine why this girl made it over Shelby Dressel and Angela Martin. Her voice has a helium tinge to it. Simon mentioned she could be annoying and I definitely agree.

Janell Wheeler - Janell is pretty, nice voice, but I haven't seen anything special so far.

Jermaine Sellers - Jermaine got in trouble for complaining that the band failed him in his final audition performance. His attitude will probably get in the way. I foresee sassing back at the judges, which is never attractive.

Joe Munoz - I have no impression of Joe. Admittedly, I missed some of the audition shows, but they didn't really showcase him during Hollywood Week.

John Park - I have no impression of John Park either.

Katelyn Epperly - Katelyn is young and cute - she's definitely the type that Simon loves to pick. It remains to be seen if she can run with the big dogs.

Katie Stevens - Katie is only 17, and I'm not sure she's ready for the big stage. She seems very sweet and has a good backstory about caring for her grandmother who has Alzheimer's.

Lacey Brown - Lacey made the top 50 last year before getting cut, so now she gets a chance to perform for America. I don't have much a sense of her talent, but she's got a different, edgy look.

Lee Dewyze - Lee seems like a bar band singer and tough guy. He could fill a rocker slot.

Lilly Scott - Lilly is another frontrunner. With her gray-blond hair, she's got a unique look and her vocal stylings are unusual too. Very cool chick.

Michael Lynche - I don't think this guy would be in the Top 24 if his wife hadn't gone into labor and had their child during Hollywood Week. Big Mike is likable, a bodybuilder, and can sing, but if I was his wife, I'd be really pissed off he missed that moment. He's only 26, so he had two more years to come back and try again.

Michelle Delamor - Nice name, pretty girl, but other than that, I have no opinion.

Paige Miles - I don't remember much about Paige either.

Siobhan Magnus - I'm curious to see how Siobhan does. She's been a bit uneven in her performances, but she brings a fresh approach to her songs. She probably needs a bit of a makeover.

Tim Urban - Tim got the spot relinquished by Chris Golightly, who was kicked out of the Top 24 for formerly having a record contract with a boy band that he hid from the judges. Tim has teen idol appeal and could be a dark horse.

Todrick Hall - This kid has some show biz experience, having performing alongside Fantasia in "The Color Purple." He can do backflips, is good-looking (nice eyes) and can sing. He states that he's more a dancer than a singer, but so far, so good.

Tyler Grady - Tyler is one of my favorites. I love his 70s style. He said he admires Robert Plant and Jim Morrison, but I think of Mick Jagger when I watch him. He's got a sexy swagger about him.

Controversial Cuts

Angela Martin - I actually shed a few tears along with Angela, when she received the news she'd been cut. I don't know what the Idol judges were thinking! Nobody has more sympathy-generating drama in his/her storyline than Angela (father murdered during her first audition, sent to jail for traffic ticket during his second audition, mother missing during third audition, handicapped daughter who has seizures), plus the girl is cute, likable and can really sing. Looks like Kara and Ellen realize they made a mistake, because they put Angela on Ellen's show and offered to produce a single for her. Angela talked about her experience in People.

Thaddeus "I'm not Bubbly" Johnson - This large queeny teen had a lot of likability, style, and a good voice. He also had an endearing storyline with his extremely supportive cheerleader mother. However, he's only 16, and I guess the judges felt he needed more time to mature.

Shelby Dressel - Shelby had the potential to be a big fan favorite, with her story of overcoming facial paralysis. It would have been nice to see someone like her on TV, plus she could sing. I'm not sure her voice or stage presence were strong enough to carry her all the way, but I would have liked to see her try. Shelby gets an "Ellen" appearance too.

Top 12 Predictions

Boys: Andrew, Tyler, Michael, Casey, Todrick, Aaron

Girls: Didi, Crystal, Ashley, Lilly, Katelyn, Siobhan

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American Idol 2010 - Hollywood Week

This is my favorite stage of the Idol competition and I always wish they would rename it "Hollywood Weeks" and give us two weeks of the high drama, as opposed to 3 or 4 weeks of auditions which I mostly don't bother to watch anymore. But, I will take what I can get.

Last night was the first Hollywood Week episode and Ellen's first appearance as a judge. She had a few funny moments but overall I feel the pace will be slow again this year with four judges.

Here's the highlights and lowlights...

* Andrew Garcia - Andrew is likable and he did a really funky, slow version of Paula Abdul's "Straight Up." Kara called it "genius" (reminding me of how often that word is overused) and said it hearkened back to Adam Lambert's creativity. I really enjoyed the performance and expect him to go far. He's my favorite so far.

Vanessa Wolfe - The nervous country girl proved too nervous and got cut.

Amadeo DiRocco - I was rooting for this Tony Soprano lookalike, but he didn't have the chops to advance.

* Janell Wheeler - Janell broke out her guitar for a funky version of "American Boy". She's pretty and has a really good voice.

Haeley Vaughn - She was nervous about playing her guitar and was a bit awkward with it, but her voice and winning personality carried her through.

Mary Powers - This 28-year-old rocker and mom did a strong rendition of "Sober." She's a bit rough around the edges, but she definitely can belt.

Jay Stone - The Florida beatboxer failed to impress so we won't see a sequel to Blake Lewis this year.

* Lilly Scott - She's quirky, kind of an Amy Winehouse type but less tragic. Judges slobbered all over her.

"Big" Michael Lynche - His wife went into labor while he was at the auditions, but he stayed to see if he could fulfill his dream. So far so good. Very likable guy, but if I was his wife I wouldn't be that supportive.

Tim Urban - He looks like a Jonas brother and his voice is just okay, but the teen idol looks could carry him far.

Justin Williams - He's a cancer survivor and he tried to sing and play the keyboard but the judges found it too loungey.

Maddy Curtis - Aww, I was sorry to see Maddy go home. She's the girl from the big family with three brothers who have Downs Syndrome. But I'd have to agree, she was nervous and not quite ready. She's only 16, so maybe she'll be back.

* Casey Jones - He's cute, has a ponytail, kinda reminded me of Brad Pitt in "Thelma and Louise." His blues guitar sets him apart.

* Didi Benami - She's a waitress who kissed up to Kara by singing one of her songs - "Terrified." Good job and she's pretty.

* Crystal Bowersox - She's a young mom, also kinda rough, but a powerhouse voice that recalled Janis Joplin. I love her name, too.

Asterisks represent who I think is likely to make the Top 25.

Now, onto Group Night!!

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Herb Alpert and Lani Hall - Still Swingin'

It was a thrill to get a chance to see Herb Alpert in concert, having grown up listening to my parents' Tijuana Brass albums and having a ton of nostalgia for the Whipped Cream album in particular (see an earlier Ape Culture story on our recollections of growing up with that mysteriously sexy album in our otherwise Christian homes).

I was not familiar with the work of his wife Lani Hall, but she has had an amazing career in her own right, including performing with Sergio Mendes and Brasil '66. I discovered she has a great voice and the two of them have adorable chemistry on stage. Joining Hall and Alpert were piano player Bill Cantos, bass player Hussein Jiffry, and drummer Michael Shapiro. They were a tight band but also did a fair amount of improvisation.

Early in the set, Herb commented on how oddly intimate Walt Disney Hall felt, how he could see most of the audience's faces. He then encouraged the audience to yell out questions and comments, but not requests. This led to some chaos that continued throughout the night with comments ranging from one woman who asked how he and Lani got together and then proceeded to tell the story herself since she must have read it somewhere (why do people ask questions when they know the answers?), to a woman wanting to know if Herb graduated from Fairfax High (yes, and his good high school friend was the late Jack Kemp who he said was one of the only gentiles there), to someone asking who his favorite A&M Records (his label) artist was - Tijuana Brass of course!

Sergio Mendes was in the house! Herb gave a shout out to him. Too bad they didn't jam together.

Herb has always been criticized by "serious" jazz artists for being too pop. With this combo, he tries to get away from playing the Tijuana Brass tunes and play more jazz, but it's still mostly bossanova stuff and standards. It's light jazz at best. Still, I found it to be a very enjoyable concert.

Lani Hall has an excellent voice and can handle the Brazilian songs with aplomb. She has great command of the language. They did standards by Cole Porter, George Gershwin, and Johnny Mercer. Herb stated that he found Porter to be very relevant today and implored us to listen to the lyrics of "Anything Goes" (title cut from his 2009 Album with Hall). They slowed down "That Old Black Magic" and came up with a sexy version.

Herb is 74 now and doesn't look like a heartthrob anymore. His hair is gray and he has Nicholson pattern baldness. Lani looked a lot like my therapist which was a bit hard for me to get over. However, the two of them are clearly in love and have a playfulness about them that was fun to watch. My friend joked that they were like two high school kids who had to end the show quickly so they could go backstage and make out. Herb sang "I've Grown Accustomed to Your Face" to Lani, and it was a sweet moment. He ended the song with a few notes from "This Guy's in Love with You" which was a perfect end note to a somewhat lovably awkward moment (Like Burt Bacharach who wrote "This Guy's in Love with You", Herb doesnt have a great voice but there is something warm about the way he sings, which he rarely does).

The crowd went nuts for a Tijuana Brass medley that featured snippets of "A Taste of Honey", "The Lonely Bull" and other pop chestnuts. I would have loved to have heard more of this stuff, but I respect that he's got to do his current thing.

This event finally gave me an opportunity to see Walt Disney Concert Hall, and I have to say I was really impressed with the acoustics. It does kind of feel like LA has its own Sydney Opera House. The interior has similar swooping lines, and smooth wood, without feeling as chaotic as the outside of the building would lead you to expect. The pipes from the pipe organ jut out in all directions, but everything else is smooth. We were sitting behind the stage, which wasn't ideal. The sound was fine, but we got tired of looking at the back of Herb's and Lani's heads. We had good views of the drummer and the piano player, but it would have been nice if Herb and Lani could have played to the back a bit more. Oh well - life in the cheap seats.

The encore was a medley of Jobim songs which put a swingin' coda on a great evening. He even threw in a few notes of "Spanish Flea" for fans of The Dating Game. I definitely recommend you catch the show if it comes around. My only disappointment was that I didn't see anyone in the crowd dressed in whipped cream.

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Book Review: The Spiritual Biography of John Lennon

I’ve read the story of The Beatles many, many times from many, many angles. I once liked Paul. Then I became annoyed by his smugness on TV of late. Long before all that, I liked John. I even wore his style of sunglasses in high school. But I also became annoyed by his political smugness (and I agreed with it and was still annoyed!). Then I liked George—he was the cute one after all who was into Eastern philosophy in a more permanent seeming way than the others. But then I recently read “Wonderful Tonight” by his ex-wife Pattie Boyd (the book is mostly an address book of the people she's hung out with alongside tormented descriptions of herself as a doormat-wife with a dearth of any real dish about Paul, Ringo and John, but entirely too much about George and Eric Clapton). So now I’m stuck with Ringo. I’ve already seen two Ringo All-Star Ringo shows and I don't know how much more of that I can take.

On the other hand, now that I know that Ringo contributed one of my favorite Beatle lines, “...writing the words to a sermon that no one will hear...” to the song "Eleanor Rigby," I’m favoring to the idea of Ringo solidarity.

Well…maybe one is not meant to choose.

"The Cynical Idealist: A Spiritual Biography of John Lennon" was written by author, sculptor and teacher Gary Tillery in response to his shock that his students considered John Lennon just the garden variety of celebrity and not the more elevated type of activist/philosopher celebrity that older fans of Lennon consider him to be. Tillery's book aims to draw out Lennon’s thoughts on God and social responsibility in order to show how unique Lennon was among the vapid celebrities of today.

This, I believe, is a false premise due to the fact that we have PLENTY of activist celebrities, Bono of the rock band U2 being the most obvious example of celebrity activism on the Lennon scale. To a degree Bono is so serious he has almost risked becoming a joke unto himself and somewhat impossible to follow. John Lennon himself is quite a bit short of a real philosopher. I’ve known plenty of wannabie philosophers...called poets – and songwriters are no better at it. Which is not to say Lennon didn’t philosophize a lot. He just did not do the years of legwork required of a real academic (in or outside of the ivory tower).

That said, I did like this book and I appreciated how it fleshed out Lennon’s social and religious choices more singularly than other biographies have done, including his early and underlying roots of cynicism and anarchism, his dabbling with meditation and the Maharishi, what that whole primal scream therapy thing was all about, and a good timeline of his peace and feminist activities and art projects with Yoko Ono.

The Beatles in general and John Lennon on his own are always interesting for study from different perspectives, especially with respect to notes on the origins of their songs. I liked how this book included songs for suggested listening to go along with the text. Newbie Beatlefiles probably don’t have the full Lennon CD catalogue yet. And the old-schoolers who do have all the songs may find this book to be a retread. All the stories have been told many times in many other books. Here, they are just consolidated and contemplated on.

Comparing Lennon to Gandhi and Martin Luther King is a bit much. They made extreme sacrifices and Lennon was no politician. But he did have good ideas for peace and was a motivated activist. If you're into biographies of spiritually-minded celebrities (as I am) then this will fit nicely on your book shelf between last year's lite fare by Amy Grant and the biography of Alan Watts.

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Deaths of a King and an Angel

It's been a rough week for LA and the rest of the celebrity-worshipping world. Thursday morning brought the news that Farrah Fawcett had succumbed to cancer. I was really sad to hear this, although after having watched her documentary, it was clear she wasn't getting better. I grew up as a fan of Charlie's Angels and admired Farrah's performance in The Burning Bed, but I didn't really pay much attention to her until she got sick. I was then really impressed by her brave fight against cancer. It takes guts when you are a woman whose livelihood is based on looks to show yourself looking your worst. I know she will remain an inspiration to many, and she has definitely raised the awareness of anal cancer and cancer in general. If it can happen to Farrah, it can happen to any of us.

Thursday afternoon, poor Farrah was quickly eclipsed by the news that Michael Jackson had been rushed to the hospital. TMZ reported he was dead. Legit news sites were just saying he was at the ER. Who to believe? Facebook and Twitter nearly collapsed under the avalanche of posting. We got nothing done at work discussing the drama. And then the surreal news that Michael was indeed dead came across the legit newswire.

I've never been a fan, not even when I was 10 years old and Thriller came out and all the other kids were wearing zipper jackets and one glove. I never bought the album. I don't dispute he's a musical genius, but his music wasn't really my bag. It's tough to make a saint out of someone who may have been a pedophile. Of course we will never know the truth, but there was certainly a lot of shady behavior and eccentricities. Still, my sympathy goes out to his children and family. This is definitely a loss to pop culture on the level of Elvis.

Some people seem surprised at the hysteria going on in the wake of Michael's death. We at Ape Culture are not surprised. We've been dealing with his hysterical fans for years. You see, they have taken umbrage over basically any article we've written that has been even slightly critical of Michael. And their hatemail attacks have often been vicious and personal. His fans are a breed apart. They have called us ugly and wished cancer on us. After a while, we were receiving so much hate mail from MJ fans, we decided to make it easy for them by creating the Michael Jackson Mad-as-Hell-Lib which automatically generates a hate mail.

Here is a representative example of the emails we received over the years (spelling errors left intact):

OK I REALLY HATE YOU GUYS FOR DOING THIS! MICHAEL IS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE ROCKS MY WORLD. STOP INSULTING HIM LIKE THAT! HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF HE DID THAT TO YOU? I THINK YOU GUYS ARE JELEOUS BECAUSE HE HAS MONEY! AND AS FOR HIS LOOKS, LEAVE HIM ALONE!!!!!!!!!!! MIND YOUR OWN BUISNESS! DIDN'T YOU GET THE MESSAGE FROM HIS SONG "PRIVACY"? HE WAS ALWAYS THE BEST PERSON ON THIS PLANET AND HE WILL ALWAYS BE!!! HE IS A NICE, CARING, HELPING MAN. AND THATS ONLY THE FEW OF THE WORDS I CAN DESCRIBE HIM WITH. ANYWAYS ITS NOT LIKE YOU GUYS ARE REALLY BEAUTIFUL YOURSELVES THAT YOU DO THIS TO HIM!! I THINK YOU BETTER WRITE TO HIM AND APOLOGIZE!!! HE IS GREAT. I'M SORRY BUT I AM REALLY PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW. ANYWAYS YOU PEOPLE BETTER GET A LIFE, BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ONE! (OVIOUSLY) I DON'T GET IT WHAT HAS HE DONE TO YOU???? ANYWAYS IM GLAD IM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO FEELS THIS WAY.ONCE MORE I WOULD LIKE TO SAY, GET A LIFE, MORONS!!!!!!!!!
***** | 01.24.03 - 5:55 pm | #

We currently have 173 such comments on the site. You can read them all here.

So if you are hoping the hysteria will die down soon and we can just remember the music, think again. It's gonna be a bumpy ride.

For the Ape Culture perspective on Michael through the years, check out:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder: Getting Over the Michael Jackson Documentary

Be Michael in our Michael Jackson Choose-Your-Own-Celebrity-Adventure

A review of Michael's 30th Anniversary Television Special

Ape Culture Cares About Celebrities on Hard Times: The Oompa Loompa Clinic for Celebrities Suddenly Gone Wack

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I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here: Demons Were Coming Out of Me!

I really don't know where to begin.

When I heard that Sanjaya, Speidi, and Janice Dickinson were all going to be on this show, I knew I would be wasting time and brain cells on it.

My mind is just boggling at the religious conversion of Heidi and Spencer. I've watched most of The Hills, and I've never seen Heidi talk about her faith, other than wanting to get married in a church. I've seen her invoke Jesus on TMZ a few times, but usually she was praying to Jesus to get a record deal or something similar, with her tongue firmly implanted in her cheek (sorry, couldnt help putting "Heidi" and "implanted" in the same sentence). Now all of a sudden she is professing she wants to be the next Mother Theresa. Does she realize she would have to wear the same outfit everyday? She said her life's purpose is to do Jesus' will and He will make her His instrument. Hmm, somehow I don't think Jesus' big plan for her involves working for SBE and planning big parties.

Then we got to see Spencer baptized by Stephen Baldwin. And Heidi and Spencer spent a "dark night of the soul" in The Lost Chamber. This was the test they had to endure to be allowed back on the show. They prayed the whole time and Spencer had visions. Stephen Baldwin thinks Spencer's conversion is real, but the rest of the cast seems to have doubts. Yeah, I'm a Doubting Thomas about this, too.

Janice Dickinson is starting to look like the Cat Woman because she's had so much work. It's actually hard to look at most of the celebrities without makeup. Janice and Sanyaya have developed an odd bond.

Who's coming off the best? Well, John Salley has been pretty fun and stable, but he did go a bit far in name-calling with Janice. He had the classic line, "If Janice was on fire, I wouldn't pee on her." Frangela had some funny moments, but they mostly just laid around on their cots. Lou Diamond Phillips is strong but kinda boring. Patty Blagojevich is surprisingly normal.

Amazingly, I'd say Sanjaya is coming off the best. He has thrown himself in with gusto, cut his fauxhawk into a real mohawk, and embraced his primal self. He's eaten bugs and bull testicles. He's even been nurturing to Janice. Now Heidi may be aspiring to be a saint, but I think that act shows Sanjaya already is one.

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