American Idol - Coolia Rates the Top Ten Boys

Performances and Secrets

Michael Johns - "Go Your Own Way"

Michael likes tennis. So do I. Maybe we can hit around some time? I think Michael is a stud, but his song choice left me cold. You have to sing this song with some desperation and passion, and he was pretty flat on the emotional front. You know, when Lindsey sings it and glares at Stevie across the stage, you really feel it. This time I felt...nothing.

Jason Castro - "I Just Want To Be Your Everything"

I took the news that Jason is a Christian rocker pretty hard this week. Let's just say it's not my favorite genre. Still, I like this kid, but tonight he was just aiight. The odd thing we didn't know about Jason is not that he crushes the devil under his heel with his inspirational tunes, but rather than he dislikes giving interviews. Was that the best he could come up with? Jason doesn't have a huge voice, but he's got a nice vibe.

Luke Menard - "Killer Queen"

Something about Luke that nobody knows...is that he sings in an a capella band called Chapter 6 that tours colleges. I don't think this news wins him many cool points. Luke does get points for tackling a hard song but then loses them for not being Freddie Mercury. Simon is right - he doesn't have Freddie's charisma. He did do a nice job on the vocals, though, and he's a good looking fella.

Robbie Carrico - "Hot Blooded"

A fact about Robbie that we viewers didn't know? He's not hot blooded. In fact, he leaves me rather cold. His real secret is that he's a drag racer. At least he ditched the bandana tonight, but like Bret Michaels it still appeared something was wrong on top - was it a wig? extensions? It just doesn't look like real hair - and yet, there is so much of it. I agree with the judges that more than just his hair seems artificial - he strikes me as a fake rocker. Check it and see.

Danny Noriega - "Superstar"

"Well, Ryan, something about me that the viewers at home don't know is that I'm a power bottom!" No, seriously, folks, Danny revealed a punk rock past in a high school band that imploded after its first gig. I love Danny! I love that he did The Carpenters and lived up to the title of the song. He really does have a good voice to go along with his sassy persona, and I agree with Simon - he gets points just for being interesting in this largely dull field.

David Hernandez - "Papa Was a Rolling Stone"

David was a child gymnast. He caused the judges to do backflips with this performance. Paula may have injured herself - bring on the painkillers. At first, I was worried because the song choice is so cliched, but David really delivered a great vocal and showed a lot more confidence and personality this week.

Jason Yaeger - "Without Love"

I can't decide if Jason is cute or if he looks like an evil sprite. His muppet newsflash is that he plays multiple instruments, yet doesn't feel like playing them on the show. It might help liven things up a bit if he did. He has a nice tone to his voice, but I felt like he was trying to do a Tom Jones style lounge act, while lacking The Jones.

Chikezie - "I Believe to My Soul"

Chikezie's secret is that he knowingly mispronounces his name. Hey, I do that too with my last name. So already I'm liking him better this week. Doing a Donny Hathaway tune worked well for him, just as it did for Elliot Yamin. He seemed much more relaxed and charismatic, and he was dressed more contemporary. He also kinda apologized for his lippiness from last week. This was a big comeback for Mr. Eze.

David Cook - "All Right Now"

Simon criticized David's secret of being a word geek and crossword puzzle nut. As usual, I agree with Simon. In my experience, tween girls don't dial the phone repeatedly for contestants because they know the meaning of the word juxtapose. I'm not getting the David Cook thang. I think he has zero sex appeal, and this song calls for a lot of mojo. He could go home this week if he loses the battle of the fake rockers with Robbie.

David Archuleta - "Imagine"

Wow, the girls are already screaming for David. The noise level brought back memories of Sanjaya's hysterical fan from last season. David revealed singing "I Am Not Going" to the Idols of Season 1 in a hotel lobby when he was 11. What kind of 11-year-old knows this tune? Obviously, a kid with a Star Search past like David does. He must have some intense stage parents. Anyway, it all paid off, because David has the total package, and his performance was the best of the night. He managed to make John Lennon's signature tune sound fresh and totally sincere. Randy pronounced it one of the best vocals on the show ever. Paula was moved to tears, and it looked like snot was coming out of her nose. Simon said he was the one to beat. Can anyone derail the Archuleta train?

Predictions

Going home - Jason "Cruise Ship" Yaeger and Robbie "Bret Michaels" Carrico